I Couldn't Make This Up Even If I Wanted To

I was at my brother-in-laws high school graduation party yesterday. I am typically one of the very few adults around that remains sober the entire time. When the idea of a beer run is thrown around, I always volunteer as I am the most likely person to make it back in one piece.

We're outside playing bags, and having a good time. My sister-in-law asks me to go out and grab some beer. Of course, I oblige and ask what kind of beer. She says, "Get a 12 pack of Miller Lite and a case of Sam Adams Cherry Wheat." After asking about these items about 20 times, I get ready to go one my way. My niece and brother-in-law's girlfriend ask if they could come along. I'm like "Sure. Hop on in." We head out to the local Jewel Osco.

We arrive at the grocery store and walk in. The girls are reminding me of what we're looking for at the store. We get into the liquor department and start searching. The girls know exactly where to look while I look like a buffoon not knowing what the hell I'm doing. After finding the Miller Lite and spending about 10 minutes search for the Sam Adams, I came to the realization that when we check out, this is going to look incredibly bad. Here's a 30 year old Hispanic guy with 2 underage Caucasian girls buying beer on a Saturday night with the Hispanic guy letting the girls tell him what to buy. It's the beginning of a scene of America's Most Wanted!

We got to the checkout section and I had to ask the lady if they actually had the Sam Adam's somewhere hidden. I couldn't remember the name of the beer quickly enough, so, of course, the girls fill in the blanks. I got a really scornful look from the lady and she was like "No. We don't carry that kind." I paid for my selection and left with the girls in tow.

As we pulled out of the driveway, I thought "OK. I have my driver's license ready, my insurance card handy, and my registration in the glove box. When the undercover cop that was tailing me in the store calls for SWAT, I should be okay enough to not get shot "

We all made it back to the party unscathed. Mental note - avoid having an underage female entourage when going on a beer run. You're just looking for a beatdown.

Currently listening : King Of The Surf Guitar: The Best Of Dick Dale & His Del-Tones By Dick Dale & the Del-Tones Release date: 04 August, 1989

Making The Band (Creator Look Bad Az)

I've been watching the P. Diddy jack-off hour called "Making The Band 4". In the show, he takes a bunch of guys wanting to make it into his next industry-concocted boy band. The entire time the show goes, PD is made out to be some Gothic figure. He's shown over and over again in slow motion to make himself look like he's a bad boy (pardon the pun). The music has heavy, forboding, trodding beats with loud accents when PD says something derogatory along with a yellow flash added. The entire time, he says the following things over and over:

1. This isn't game, you know what I'm sayin'?
2. I gotta make a cut, you know what I'm sayin'?
3. Some of y'all are going home, you know what I'm sayin'?

Even his own people clap when he walks into the room as if they don't clap, they don't get paid! C'mon P. You are rich and can make someone's career, but do you really need all the theatrics? The guys on the show are not perfect and all need work. You come off as if you were expecting perfection day 1 with most of them being incredibly green to the business. I find your portrayal pretentious at best. Here's what a typical day on the show looks like:

Currently watching : 2001 - A Space Travesty Release date: 19 March, 2002

Vacating The Schedule

On a weekly basis I notify a rather large list of individuals about the creative goings-on in my schedule. Each time I send it out, I update with theatre, film, or musically-related news, showtimes, locations, and ticket prices. The shows list was rather large for a while (I'll guesstimate it to be around 15-20 shows at one time). It's now down to 4 after tonight...and I'm thrilled about it!

Every few months I give myself a month long break from my own schedule. Every night I've got something going on and the burnout kicks in. Things just don't feel as funny anymore or worth the effort to put into to make it funny. My temper seems to be a bit more volatile, and I expend more energy keeping it in check the ususal. The biggest part of the burnout is the lack of sleep. On average I am getting 5-6 hours of sleep when I really need 10-12 .

My vacation plans for the first time involve me sitting on a beach next to the ocean (thinking about Hawaii, California, or Florida), being covered in SPF 60, turning my skin slowly into leather, sipping on Sprite and limes, letting the ocean waves hit me gently, watching beautiful women walk around in bikinis, and doing absolutely nothing. If someone asks me to do something, I'll say "I am doing something...absolutely nothing." I would stay at the beach 6-8 hours a day chillin'. Now that sounds like fun!

Thankfully, the Second City stuff is going to be quite minimal. I will be graduating formally from the Conservatory on August 20th, thus, truly ending my 3-year long student tenure at Second City for a while. I'll be doing stuff here and there such as 1-3 day workshops, SC understudy gigs which are sparse, and any existing rehearsals I've scheduled myself for. However, I won't be actively looking for new work or classes until next year. If something falls into my lap and is worth the time, sure! I look forward to having my regular, non-actor life back for a while and enjoy things like family, friends, pets, and, of course, food!

If it sounds like I am complaining about the great success over the last years, it's not that. I am grateful for all of it including all of you who have supported me either actively or passively to let me pursue my dreams. Thank you for being awesome in doing so! I just look to another chapter in this success after recharging the creative batteries.

Currently listening : Hoobastank By Hoobastank Release date: 20 November, 2001

Note: this was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=16074757&blogID=291706747

Gay Isn't for Everybody

When I'm out and about and am describing things in a derogatory manner, there's a word that I use all the time that inadvertently has a more common meaning. Luckily, I've found the proper homophonic equivalent that exactly relays how I feel about what I'm talking about. Ladies and gentlemen, the word is

GEIGH

As defined at urbandictionary.com:

Unfortunate, or lame. Geigh is the loophole out of Homophobia, and by not insulting gay people (Gay does not equal Geigh), now you're a valiant liberal!

I don't know where I picked up this alternate meaning, but I've been in the company of gay folks when I've used it, and it seems they understand in what context I'm using it. Just glad there's an effort to change the spelling to preserve the meaning but allow there to be a junction between the new meaning and the old sound .

Currently watching : Nowhere Man - The Complete Series Release date: 26 December, 2005

Note: This was originally posted on Myspace with comments at:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=16074757&blogID=291552089&Mytoken=28BC08D1-3BD5-48A4-9D3E850532D997B2102770454

Billy Corgan, The Comedian

Being a long-time Pumpkins fan gives me a bit of perspective on this clip. This is the most I've ever seen the Great Pumpkin being jovial .

Hope he feels the same way in Toronto.

Currently watching : Transformers