Why Ain't I Sad

My father passed away on December 3rd, 2016.  I haven't really thought about his passing too much.  However, lately he has been on the mind as my toddler of a daughter resembles my dad so much.  Everyone who interacts with her sees my father's face & mannerisms in the various cute expressions she exhibits.  Although I cherish those things, I feel guilty for not being devastated by his passing.

My first pawppy ever Lola is dying.  I love her very much and it was through her that I got myself mentally prepared for the idea of being a father to human children.  However, I can't seem to bring myself to deal with her declining health.  For some odd reason I can imagine a life without her and feel guilty that I feel that way when I see others who shutdown completely when their pets are sick or pass away.  So, I've got to ask...

...what is wrong with me?

I've watched enough 1970's & '80s television to know that everyone mourns differently.  I know that it could hit me loike a ton of bricks when I least expect it.  I'm still waiting for it to hit me for my father's passing and I'm not really into lamenting Lola's passing either.  Am I running away from my emotions?  Am I suppressing them to keep my sanity?  I don't know but I still feel very guilty regardless.

Guess I'll find out when Lola finally does meet her maker.  until then, I'll struggle with my feelings of how I should feel versus accepting what I actually feel.

Festivals: Celebrating Passions

Impronol at Trill Comedy Festival

I adore going to improv festivals.  It's a chance to show your wares and depending on the caliber of the improv festival, a good way to raise your stock in the community, make connections, and hopefully get invited to perform or teach elsewhere.  Improv festivals require a certain mindset from the people who apply:

• Festivals Are Full of Fawkery
  Festivals are large, living organisms comprised of a lot of individual, independent cells, i.e., volunteers ,staff, and talent; they evolve in a blink of an eye and you have to be ready to accept that change. Anticipate that your time slot, venue, line-up, and/or living accommodations will change multiple times and will little to no warning.  Many processes, promises, and practices are put into place to give festival talent a showcase with a viewing audience.  You as an attendee just have to roll with it or otherwise lose your mind with disappointment, bitterness, and outright contempt.
  
• Everything Is An Audition
  The application process is an audition to get into the festival.  Upon arrival, you begin interacting with the staff and volunteers of the festival who are working hard to execute what's needed; they are judging you to see if you're easy to work with or a pain in the ass to ignore.  Your show itself is being judged by not only the people who brought you in as they only saw a 5-15 minute part of a full show to determine if you were worth bringing in; they want to make sure they didn't make a mistake; but by as the other teams on your slot and the festival.  Those teams are asking themselves, "Why does this team deserve to be here in this slot over my team?"  Assuming you did a good show, you are being watched to see how gracious and humble you are about your performance and whether or not you showed respect by staying and watching other teams. 
  
  All of these things sum up to whether or not you get invited/accepted back to the festival, whether or not you get a teaching/coaching gig somewhere down the road, and whether or not the word gets around that you should be considered to work with in the future elsewhere.
  
• You Must REALLY Want Go
  In order to be successful at anything, you must have a passion for it.  You should be willing to deal with anything that stand in the way of pursuing your passions.  Festivals test that passion for the reasons mentioned above.   If you want to showcase your art outside of your city/town and get better at your craft by seeing different style, disciplines, and approaches, you must put in the time to do so.

With those things said, I recommend the following the following rules of thumb when considering going to an improv festival:

• Ask Yourself Why You're Going
  Are you going to see something new?  Enhance your skills by taking a workshop or watching a hot team you've heard about?  Should you better go as a patron or as talent to achieve what you want?  Is your team so awesome that you have no choice but to showcase it?  Answering these questions should tell you whether or not to apply. 
  
• Commit To The Dates
  Back in the day there were only handful of festivals going on and they were peppered through the calendar year.  Now there are so many festivals, that it's inevitable you will double-book yourself or you'll forget about the dates adn forget to ask off of work, or some other preventable issue will arise blocking you from going.  If you plan to go a festival, put the dates in your calendar as to when you applied, when you expect to hear back, and when the actual festival dates are planned.  Don't book anything else for those weekends.
  
  I must admit this is the hardest thing for me to do personally.  I've double booked myself during festivals by either hedging the bets that things will work out in my favor or by performing marathon runs heading between 3 festivals in just a weekend.  I need to follow my own advice and honor what I'm committing to by applying somewhere and avoiding the temptation to "do it all".
  
• The Road Is Ruthless
  Traveling, living out of a suitcase or backpack, getting little no sleep and or exercise, eating like crap, and spending way too much money are the side effects of going to and performing at a festival.  The vast majority of festivals do not pay their performers so expect to pay your way to be there.  If you're not built to deal with these challenges, you probably shouldn't go.

What do you think about improv festivals?  Have you gone to any?  What was your experience?  Comment down below!

10 Down - 5 More To Go: A Weight-Loss Journey

Over the 6 months or so, I've been working out seriously.  99% of it is cardio-based, i.e., walking, but it's exercise nonetheless.  I'm currently at 220 lbs and am excited to reach my goal of 215 lbs in the next few months.  I've been losing a pound or so here and there roughly every 1.5-2.5 weeks.  I haven't weighed 215 in almost 10 years!

What kicked off the need to get fit was getting pregnant again.  It'd been 7 years since the last child was born and now I'm a bit older.  The idea of having to run after a kid at middle-age and being unable to keep up with them seemed very unappealing to me.   Also, my body was starting to have inexplicable pains here and there; it must've been the years of doing improv that took it's toll 😉.  I had a very acute pain literally in my rear end; I pulled a muscle roller-skating and it hurt no matter what position I was in.  I couldn't get in and out of the car, sleep too long on my side, sit too long in a chair, or stand too long without it hurting.  The only thing that seemed to help it was walking for 30 minutes or more to get blood going into my muscle.

So, I began walking just to avoid the pain. I also figured that I should probably shed a few pounds just in case the added weight to my frame was complicating things in a way unbeknownst to me.  I've had my Fitbit for a while and at first was really into it; I lost weight in the past by tracking my food intake, counting my steps, and feeling good about "taking charge of my health".   Then I got complacent and bored and went back to all of my bad habits of eating too much, not exercising enough, and sleeping too little or too much.  Thanks to this pain in my ass, I was motivated to get that under control.

I've also joined a group of improvisers who also have Fitbits and we have weekly competitions to see who can walk the most during the work week and on weekends.  One of the participants is a professional dog walker.  She average 30K+ steps a day when the weather is good and the holidays aren't around.  She consistently beats us; which keeps me motivated; however, there are times where conditions favor me maybe winning and I go full-bore into exercising.  I've actually won a few weeks here and there.  Everyone in the group is supportive of each other and we do our best to motivate each other to move.

The weather lately has not been cooperating with me.  I was contemplating during the spring/summer when I started all of this to try to get into enough shape where I could run a 5K non-stop.  When the brutally cold weather came in, it really put a damper on my willingness to train for it outside.  I have a treadmill that cooperates with me roughly 70% of the time but it has issues so running consistently on it is hard. So, I've been relegated back to just walking.  Hopefully when it warms up a bit I can get back to hating myself and wanting to pass out and die behind someone's tool shed when I get back to jogging :)

Current soda of choice.

I've recently began cutting out non-diet soda out of my diet.  Cot damn that is hard.  I'm an avid soda drinker but lately the amount of sugar I've been taking has been just way too much.  I can feel it hampering me from losing more weight.  I've switched over to diet drinks to ween myself off them completely over the next few weeks.  I've been drinking more water as well (if they could just make water compliment my meals better, I'd be done with soda!).

So, here's to losing the last 5 pounds.  My reward for doing so will be the new headshots I've wanted for a while.  I have been featured in a lot of pictures recently and I can truly say I feel like I look good in them.  It's nice not wanting/needing to Photoshop yourself to enjoy  a picture anymore :)

Time to go for a walk!