My father passed away on December 3rd, 2016. I haven't really thought about his passing too much. However, lately he has been on the mind as my toddler of a daughter resembles my dad so much. Everyone who interacts with her sees my father's face & mannerisms in the various cute expressions she exhibits. Although I cherish those things, I feel guilty for not being devastated by his passing.
My first pawppy ever Lola is dying. I love her very much and it was through her that I got myself mentally prepared for the idea of being a father to human children. However, I can't seem to bring myself to deal with her declining health. For some odd reason I can imagine a life without her and feel guilty that I feel that way when I see others who shutdown completely when their pets are sick or pass away. So, I've got to ask...
...what is wrong with me?
I've watched enough 1970's & '80s television to know that everyone mourns differently. I know that it could hit me loike a ton of bricks when I least expect it. I'm still waiting for it to hit me for my father's passing and I'm not really into lamenting Lola's passing either. Am I running away from my emotions? Am I suppressing them to keep my sanity? I don't know but I still feel very guilty regardless.
Guess I'll find out when Lola finally does meet her maker. until then, I'll struggle with my feelings of how I should feel versus accepting what I actually feel.
My first pawppy ever Lola is dying. I love her very much and it was through her that I got myself mentally prepared for the idea of being a father to human children. However, I can't seem to bring myself to deal with her declining health. For some odd reason I can imagine a life without her and feel guilty that I feel that way when I see others who shutdown completely when their pets are sick or pass away. So, I've got to ask...
...what is wrong with me?
I've watched enough 1970's & '80s television to know that everyone mourns differently. I know that it could hit me loike a ton of bricks when I least expect it. I'm still waiting for it to hit me for my father's passing and I'm not really into lamenting Lola's passing either. Am I running away from my emotions? Am I suppressing them to keep my sanity? I don't know but I still feel very guilty regardless.
Guess I'll find out when Lola finally does meet her maker. until then, I'll struggle with my feelings of how I should feel versus accepting what I actually feel.
No comments:
Post a Comment