NEW WEEKLY GAME! "What's Wrong With This Ad?"

There are two websites I peruse frequently to keep my finger on what's going on in the local music scene - Craiglist and BlabberMouth.Net.   Whenever I get the chance to read the ads on Craigslist (CL) or the comments on BlabberMouth (BM), I am always amazed at what I read and ask myself, "Why would someone post this online?!".  So, I'll do my best be nice.  Here's this week's post:

"Hows it's going my name is Eddie and I just started a new band called as < insert witty cool band name ripped off from a popular band song title> which consists of all very talented and dedicated musicians.
Me and my drummer have been in a band together before that got pretty noticed locally
So we still have a lot of connections and have gigs lined up.
We are looking for a male vocalist ages 18-25 that can sing very well but also be raspy when we need it and must have a
Good band image and stage presence. The style we play can best be described by mixing avenged sevenfold, black tide, and adtr
Thats basically what you get we have a couple of songs made all we need is a dedicated good singer to start playing shows
So if you are interested my name is Eddie text me at X-XXX-XXX-XXXX and we can set up a audition please only text if your serious about this we want this to be our career!! Also please read the style we
Play we dont want just a singer we
Want someone who can sing n b raspy as well like ax7 n must use the lyrics we have for two established songs."

Here's what screams "run away all would be suitors" to this ad:

• In this band he has talented and dedicated musicians.  Then in the very next line we get to find out about basically two guys in the band.  Why can't the bassist get some props as well?
  
• Translate " Me and my drummer have been in a band together before that got pretty noticed locally" to "We're huge in Japan".  Did it?  OK.  Guess what.  That line means nothing because we probably never have heard of you in either form.  Again, in an effort to make their status sound bigger than what it really is, it comes off as he either thinks too much of this project or is just trying too hard.
  
• "So we still have a lot of connections and have gigs lined up." They have "tons of connections" but yet are posting on Craigslist to find people to join their project.  The two don't jive.  Typically if you're connected, you don't have to look too hard to find other members to add to your collective.  This line usually means, "Hey!  I know where to send our electronic press kit to at a given club.  I even know his name!"  With that said, unless these guys are really so good on their own two that they can book gigs without even having a full line up, I doubt they have anything set up. 
  
  
• It's good to state what age range you want your band members to be in as it does help with building a bond with each other when you're around the same age and have similar interests.  However, in every major market that has a thriving music scene, the minimum age you want your members to be is 21.  Why?  Because legally it's more difficult to play bars and clubs that sell alcohol when you're a minor.  There are some clubs that have ways around it by not allowing a minor into the club until their performance and then kicking them out afterwards, but no one wants to complicate the matter if they're operating at a professional level.
  
• Someone PLEASE explain what having a " Good band image and stage presence" means.  No where in this ad is this defined which leaves me to believe that they don't know what "stage presence" really means to themselves.  I can just imagine this scenario when I show up to the rehearsal space:
  
  
  BAND
  Hey man. You play pretty good.  What's your band image?
  
  
  ME
  Uhm, band image?
  
  
  BAND
  Yeah. When you rock on stage with us, what do you look like?
  
  
  ME
  (Confused) Probably what I look like now?
  
  
  (BAND Members look at each other
  and shake their heads)
  BAND
  Too bad, bro... you need to know what we look like together otherwise this ain't gonna work...
  
  
  ME
  (irately)How am I supposed to know that?! I JUST GOT HERE!
  
• His lack of proper grammar screams to me that he probably embodies a lot of unprofessional behavior.  Maybe I'm just a grumpy, old ass, washed up, bitter muscian, but if someone can't bother to use the built-in spell checker or bother to look up the basic rules of the period to separate his thoughts, they probably would drop a lot of other details once we started playing together.
  
• Finally, they don't understand what being a "singer" is.  Voice inflection/characteristics/style doesn't preclude someone from being a singer.  What they're looking for a diverse range of style from their singer, but by the way it's stated in the note, they feel that the singer must be "more than just a singer" to be able to get a raspy/scream like voice they're looking for.
  

There's all kinds of "wrong" in this note.  I hope they find what they're looking for and they make a good fit for each other.

Ready For Another One? I Think Not!

The Velazco Clan has grown by 2 in Chicago and 2 in Dallas, Tx/Bonaire, GA in the last 4 years.  Personally, I like having two and have always held a place in my heart for 3.  The question is: WHY?

I went to Hooters with my neighbor Jack and my son AKV to Hooters (yes, a family restaurant).  Our waitress was a very cute woman with a fun personality; her conversations seemed genuine and she seemed to be happy.  At some point in the service she started talking to AKV by asking him how old he was, if he was enjoying his chocolate milk and fries, and other fun questions.  My son is very shy around strangers (a la The Wifey) so I helped him answer the questions.  She then mentioned she had a son who was the same age he was.  That kicked off a conversation about children.  I come to find out she had 4 kids - it blew my frakin' mind!

Her body was in AWESOME shape for poppin' out 4 kids and she seemed to be pretty young.  They were all spaced 2 years apart.  Just the thought of having more than 2 made me sick to my stomach; all of the running around after them; having to dealing with raging hormones on both sides of the gender war; realizing the further erosion of our self-image, free time, and finances; all of these thoughts hit me at once when she mentioned she had four and was hoping for 1 more.  I wanted to ask her if she had a vajayjay or was starting her own damn refugee camp!

I asked her about her "man" and she seemed to allude she was married (I finally saw the ring on her finger) and she didn't seem to make a big deal about him contributing to the Partridge Family tribute act she was raising.  She then told us about her "need for speed" - she apparently races cars semi-professionally.  I'm no NASCAR expert but I do know that racing is a HUGE investment of time and money even at the hobby level.  She told us she had a sponsors and spent roughly $10-$15K a year on keeping her car in contention.  I then started redoing all of my math again - 4 kids, race car, wants a 5th kid, she works at Hooters.  Either she's an awesome racer, her man makes a ton of money, she has another side job, or her kids incur no expenses.  No way she could sustain that lifestyle

*CORRECTION*

No way I could sustain that lifestyle :)

I didn't have the gall to pry anymore into her personal life as I felt weird talking to a scantily clad server already and had the fear of become that "creepy customer" so I let it go.  This experience helped me decide that I'm not ready for #3 just yet.

Let's Go Mobile!

I recently got a SideKick 4G from T-Mobile to replace my antiquated G1 phone. I loved that phone, but alas it told me it was time to let it go by going into boot menus whenever my son would drop it :-).  The best thing about cellphone technology improving over the last three years is that I am one step closer to having a mobile computing powerhouse to handle my needs when I'm on the road.

I am writing (or rather 'tapping') this blog entry from my phone via the Blogger app.  No need for a computer to allow me to share my trivial thoughts & anecdotes. My lap stays cool, my future children stay radiation-free, and I get the thrill of looking like a Generation Texter who's enthralled more by his phone than having any human interaction! AWESOME!

More to come! My son slammed his face into something while I was writing this.

Meeting Your Idols

If there's anything I've made clear over my teenage/adult life time is that I am a huge Smashing Pumpkins fan.  So, when the opportunity came for me to do a meet & greet with the great Jimmy Chamberlin at Vic's Drum Shop, I jumped at the opportunity to do so.

Since I knew there would be a ton of people there, I decided to make it a jeans-and-tie affair :)  It definitely got a lot of attention as I was completely out of place looking so damn fly! Right as I arrived, I think the girl at the door took a liking to me because she could not stop smiling as I spoke with her.  She was very helpful by handing my a magazine with Jimmy on the cover and directing me "up and to the left" to the drum rooms they reserved.  What she didn't bother to tell me was that Jimmy as literally starting to throw down in one of the rooms!  I've rehearsed in these rooms before and those rooms are designed to hold 4 people with full band equipment - maybe 15 with no equipment.  With Jimmy in the room, his handlers, tables, etc, I'd say 10 for the day.  I'd say there were at least 50 people in there with him and maybe 50 more in the hallway listening.  I was in the hallway.  The amount of humanity in the place was incredible.

So, I listened to Jimmy's extraordinary playing then decided to hang out until his signing session about half an hour later.  I went outside, gave my door girl a can of soda I swiped from the cooler down the hall, then proceeded to call people on the phone to kill time.  Afterwards, I got in line for the signing and started chatting with the other folks in line.  There were people there all day and getting everything under the sun signed.  I felt a little guilty being in line to meet Jimmy as a fan of his contributions to Smashing Pumpkin songs versus being a drummer interested in his technique, but I got over it quickly remembering that there were folks from the Pumpkins show who recognized me as "the guy from the line" who told me they were not even musicians.  Yes, I know - I tend to over-analyze the reasons as to why I'm where I am.

After a while, I got to the head of the line.  I made direct eye contact with Jimmy and he gave me a look that said, "Hey, you're dressed up pretty dapperly."  I nodded and waited patiently while he signed other people's posters.  Eventually, it was my turn.  Right as I got up to him, he strikes up a conversation with Living Colour's Will Calhoun regarding Will's new disc.  Jimmy was enthralled in their conversation and barely took to time look at what I asked him to sign.  He never broke conversation the entire time.  Then "Bullet Time" took over.  I asked myself, "Should I interrupt their conversation?  Should I just stand here silently until they're done? Or should I just pass up my chance to say something to him?"  I chose to keep on moving and not bother him with trivial conversation.  I've spoken at length with Jimmy before so I guess I've already said what I've wanted to.

I walked away and gauged my feelings on it.  I asked myself, "Should I be angry at how that went down? And if so, with whom?"  Funny thing was that I sensed that if I got angry about the situation, those feelings  would be all disingenuous.  Why be angry?  I came to get him to autograph my Pisces Iscariot booklet and maybe get a chance to talk to him.  I got everything I wanted for the day.  Getting him to sign the free magazine I got was a perk.  I chose to stay as carefree as I was going into the event.  It was really nice to walk away satisfied with what interaction I got with him.  With that said, it's the least favorite time I've got to meet Jimmy but it also makes the other times I've met him more memorable.

The universe was kind to me yesterday and I am grateful.  The goodness I put into the ether yesterday paid off and will hopefully continue to give me goodness in the future.

Rawk-U-Meant-Awry Review: PJ20

WARNING: I am a long-time fan of Pearl Jam (PJ) up through Yield. After that record, they lost me.

I just watched the Pearl Jam Twenty (PJ20) documentary produced by Cameron Crowe, a long time friend of the band (as well as the only director to capture the golden age of Seattle's music scene in his well-crafted romantic comedy Singles by featuring members of Soundgarden and Pearl Jam as Matt Dillon's band Citizen Dick) and accomplished film director.  Through a ton of archival footage and some interview montages we get to see where the band started up through today.

The Good

The movie starts with delving into the story of Mother Love Bone (MLB) - PJ guitarist Stone Gossard and bassist Jeff Ament's most successful band at the time that was about to break out of Seattle until their untimely heroin overdoes of their singer Andrew Wood.  From the ashes of this band rose the phoenix that would be Pearl Jam.  This to me was really interesting to watch.  I've read countless articles regarding the origin of PJ but the footage they used really drove home that the seeds of something powerful to come were present in MLB.  

A new depth of understanding of the Seattle scene was demonstrated by highlighting the intermingling and support shown between some of the biggest bands of the 90's; Soundgarden vocalist Chris Cornell - without even really knowing anything about Andy - allowing him to stay with him after a stint in rehab; Chris, Jeff, Stone, PJ lead guitarist Mike McCready, and Soundgarden & PJ drummer Matt Cameron forming Temple of the Dog to pay tribute to Andy and featuring Eddie Vedder on vocals to effectively legitimize PJ to the rest of the world is incredible to say the least; Eddie and Kurt Cobain showing mutual admiration for each other even though they were portrayed as rivals by the media;  acts in Chicago and many other parts of the US are not nearly as supportive of each other like these bands were; the level of regard they all continue to speak with about each other permeates every frame they're interviewed in.  All of these points materialize what I've read from the media for so many years - if you were a part of Seattle's music scene at the time, there was something special there both for the bands but also for the fans.  Maybe that's how Beatles fans from Liverpool felt about the band before they left for London?

Much of the documentary centers around Eddie's rise to a leadership position within the band. Apparently Ed was a shy, lone wolf of surfer with a talented voice in the beginning of the band. That attribute in my opinion really helped the band be truthful and sincere both musically and lyrically. Stone and Jeff had initially set out to make a band of their own, but over time it became more of a democracy with Eddie taking the reigns and being the band's spokesman.  Whether it was for pro-choice advocacy, leading the fight up against Ticketmaster's monopoly, or going after war-hungry government administrations, Eddie seemed to be leading the charge with his bandmates closely behind him.  We get to see how much more comfortable Eddie has become with his position today.

There was a good deal of the documentary dedicated to the point in the band where they realized that they were the masters of their own destiny.  It took them touring with Neil young to see that they did not have to succumb to the pressures put on them by outside forces like the label, media, or even the fans.  One of the reasons they're still around is because they empowered themselves to take charge of their lives as much as possible.  This realization was well explained in the movie.

The Bad

My biggest gripe regarding the documentary has to deal with one of the most Spinal Tap-ish issues in the band - how come the band has had so many drummers?  They briefly touch on the subject in the movie but go into no real depth.  There has been a semi-documented acrimonious split around the release of their third album Vitalogy when drummer Dave Abruzzese, who toured extensively for Ten; played and toured behind Vs.; and played on Vitalogy, got dismissed.  Why wasn't that spoken on?  The attitude seemed to be, "Ah, well, it just didn't work out with drummer X, Y, or Z...so, that is".   Behind every great band is a great drummer and I feel that they did a disservice to the fans and their drummers of past by glossing over the subject.  Even the Foo Fighter's Back and Forth documentary went into some real depth with their drummer issues made understanding the present state of the band  much sweeter.

As a producer, more focus could have been placed on the making of many of these records.  They speak about the first one in depth; the second one is looked into some; the third one they touch; they don't even really mention the names of any other records after that.  If they do mention something about a later record, it's literally in passing in order to talk about something else.  For example, Mike McCready previously has been in the public eye regarding his drug abuse.  His use deeply affected the band both personally and musically.  I would loved to have known more about how the records made while he was on or off drugs proceeded, what mindsets were the bandmembers in, and how all of that tied them together.  PJ's sixth record Binaural was mentioned as a "dark" record because of the drug use but that's all we're given.

I did like how they tried to segment the history between the first ten years (no pun intended) and the second.  However, they focused too much on the first ten. Does 119 minutes running time capture the intricacies of the band?  No but I also recognize they can't make a 4 day long movie either to catch ever nuance I'm looking for.  They just needed to add probably another 60 minutes to satisfy me :)

Verdict

I feel this movie deserves a 3 out of 5 stars rating.   It's got a ton of great footage but it by far is not comprehensive.  I'll admit that maybe a lot of the information I'm looking for can be found elsewhere in books, magazines, or the internet, but this documentary by name implies that it's all-encompassing.  Perhaps in another 10 years they will be able to include additional footage I'm looking for. LONG LIVE PJ30!