NEW WEEKLY GAME! "What's Wrong With This Ad?"

There are two websites I peruse frequently to keep my finger on what's going on in the local music scene - Craiglist and BlabberMouth.Net.   Whenever I get the chance to read the ads on Craigslist (CL) or the comments on BlabberMouth (BM), I am always amazed at what I read and ask myself, "Why would someone post this online?!".  So, I'll do my best be nice.  Here's this week's post:

"Hows it's going my name is Eddie and I just started a new band called as < insert witty cool band name ripped off from a popular band song title> which consists of all very talented and dedicated musicians.
Me and my drummer have been in a band together before that got pretty noticed locally
So we still have a lot of connections and have gigs lined up.
We are looking for a male vocalist ages 18-25 that can sing very well but also be raspy when we need it and must have a
Good band image and stage presence. The style we play can best be described by mixing avenged sevenfold, black tide, and adtr
Thats basically what you get we have a couple of songs made all we need is a dedicated good singer to start playing shows
So if you are interested my name is Eddie text me at X-XXX-XXX-XXXX and we can set up a audition please only text if your serious about this we want this to be our career!! Also please read the style we
Play we dont want just a singer we
Want someone who can sing n b raspy as well like ax7 n must use the lyrics we have for two established songs."

Here's what screams "run away all would be suitors" to this ad:

• In this band he has talented and dedicated musicians.  Then in the very next line we get to find out about basically two guys in the band.  Why can't the bassist get some props as well?
  
• Translate " Me and my drummer have been in a band together before that got pretty noticed locally" to "We're huge in Japan".  Did it?  OK.  Guess what.  That line means nothing because we probably never have heard of you in either form.  Again, in an effort to make their status sound bigger than what it really is, it comes off as he either thinks too much of this project or is just trying too hard.
  
• "So we still have a lot of connections and have gigs lined up." They have "tons of connections" but yet are posting on Craigslist to find people to join their project.  The two don't jive.  Typically if you're connected, you don't have to look too hard to find other members to add to your collective.  This line usually means, "Hey!  I know where to send our electronic press kit to at a given club.  I even know his name!"  With that said, unless these guys are really so good on their own two that they can book gigs without even having a full line up, I doubt they have anything set up. 
  
  
• It's good to state what age range you want your band members to be in as it does help with building a bond with each other when you're around the same age and have similar interests.  However, in every major market that has a thriving music scene, the minimum age you want your members to be is 21.  Why?  Because legally it's more difficult to play bars and clubs that sell alcohol when you're a minor.  There are some clubs that have ways around it by not allowing a minor into the club until their performance and then kicking them out afterwards, but no one wants to complicate the matter if they're operating at a professional level.
  
• Someone PLEASE explain what having a " Good band image and stage presence" means.  No where in this ad is this defined which leaves me to believe that they don't know what "stage presence" really means to themselves.  I can just imagine this scenario when I show up to the rehearsal space:
  
  
  BAND
  Hey man. You play pretty good.  What's your band image?
  
  
  ME
  Uhm, band image?
  
  
  BAND
  Yeah. When you rock on stage with us, what do you look like?
  
  
  ME
  (Confused) Probably what I look like now?
  
  
  (BAND Members look at each other
  and shake their heads)
  BAND
  Too bad, bro... you need to know what we look like together otherwise this ain't gonna work...
  
  
  ME
  (irately)How am I supposed to know that?! I JUST GOT HERE!
  
• His lack of proper grammar screams to me that he probably embodies a lot of unprofessional behavior.  Maybe I'm just a grumpy, old ass, washed up, bitter muscian, but if someone can't bother to use the built-in spell checker or bother to look up the basic rules of the period to separate his thoughts, they probably would drop a lot of other details once we started playing together.
  
• Finally, they don't understand what being a "singer" is.  Voice inflection/characteristics/style doesn't preclude someone from being a singer.  What they're looking for a diverse range of style from their singer, but by the way it's stated in the note, they feel that the singer must be "more than just a singer" to be able to get a raspy/scream like voice they're looking for.
  

There's all kinds of "wrong" in this note.  I hope they find what they're looking for and they make a good fit for each other.