The "Crank Dat" Epidemic

I've been researching the "Crank Dat" culture for the last few days thanks to an online beef between Soulja Boy Tell'em and Ice-T. Is the demise of quality hip-hop upon us or is it evolving?

Iceberg brings up some good points regarding this kind of music. I call it plop-hop because these guys are really dropping some massive boolsheet on these records. If you really don't want to think at all when you're listening to the something, this is perfect for you . The choruses are incredibly uninspired and annoyingly repetitive. Here's a small list of example choruses:

• Watch me crank dat yank. Watch me crank dat yank. Watch me crank dat yank.
• Crank dat Urkel. Crank dat Urkel. Crank dat Urkel.
• Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Superman.
• Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Spiderman.
  

WTF?! What's next?!

• Crank dat Inspector Gadget
• Crank dat Molly Ringwald
• Crank dat Crankshaft
• Crank dat Deathrace 2000
• Crank dat Rhinoplasty

I feel like every time one of these songs come on, my IQ drops 100 points. I can't understand 90% of the stuff they say on these records because diction and vocabulary is non-existent in these songs. For example, here's how I hear the lyrics to Soulja Boy's Crank That:

Soulja Boy up in it *ohhhhhhh*
Watch me crank dat. Watch me *roooooollllllll*
Watch me crank dat Soulja Boy.
That Superman that *ooooohhhhh* That wallaby!
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby

Why is he referencing a wallaby in this song? What does that have to do with Superman. Is that an additional weakness that hasn't been documented? Is he Superman? He's awfully skinny to be a superhero. Then the lyrics and flow of the verses sound like a 4th grader wrote them:

Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe
Watch me Lean And Watch Me Rock?
Super Man Dat Hoe
Then Watch me Crank Dat Robocop?
Super Fresh, Now Watch Me Jock
Jocking On Them Haterz Man
When I Do Dat Soulja Boy
I Lean To The Left And Crank Dat Dance
(Now You)
I'm Jocking On Yo Bitch Ass
And If We Get The Fightin
Then I'm Cocking On Your Bitch
You Catch Me At Yo Local Party
Yes I Crank It Everyday
Haterz Get Mad Cause
"I Got Me some Bathing Apes"

I got me some bathing apes?! Did Dr. Zaius make it out alive somehow?! Since when has the word Superman become a verb? Fawk, well, then in that case, I'ma "Flavor Flav" this genre right now and call it wack!

Now, Ice-T has written some wack-ass lyrical material himself (especially to songs from the Body Count records); however, even his worst stuff is 1000X better than this crap. At least with Ice-T lyrics, you have to have a decent mastery of the English language. Crank music is appealing to the lowest common educational demoninator. Here are the lyrics to my next new crank song:

Chorus:

A B C D E F G *duhhhhhhhh*
H I J K L M N O P *duhhhhhhhh*
Q R S T U V *duhhhhhhhh*
W X Y Z *duhhhhhhhh*

Verse:

I can spell the words I use
Because I crank dat Dr. Seuss
Watch me wear these county blues
That electric chair! Now cook my goose!
*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaap*

Yeah, it's still a work in progress. I think its awesome!

As Ice says, it's not an "east coast/west coast" thing or a "north vs. south" thing. It's a "good hip-hop vs. bad hip-hop" issue. I've been having that issue for a long time. I gave up on rap almost 15 years ago because it changed to a genre that had nothing to do with why I liked hip-hop. As I've gotten older, I've gone back to listen to stuff from that era. I begun to like some of it because even now that stuff is dated. Compared to the crap being put out today that stuff is still 100% better. There are a few artists out there right now that I like that have put out records in the last 5 years but a lot of the stuff on radio sux ballz. Crank music isn't helping.

I'd like to end this entry with the video for "Crank Dat Bullshit". I think it summarizes the ridiculousness of this passing fad.

Currently listening : O.G. Original Gangster By Ice-T Release date: 1991-05-14

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=16074757&blogID=410267726&Mytoken=B24394DA-D7B8-4FC9-BBF3C8AAB224218C575972

Hey Ladies!

Please check out this voicemail from a guy named Dimitri to a chick named Olga.

Now, I agree that Dimitri is arrogant and a bit overbearing with his diatribe about how good a catch he is and playing pseudo/amateur psychologist regarding the motivations behind why this woman hasn't returned his phone calls. Apparently he hasn't read She's Just Not Into You either; however, he does bring up a few good points that always rub me the wrong way about courtships.

1. People play games when they like each other. Why? Both women and men play games rather than being honest with themselves and each other. Dimitri believe that Olga may not be calling him back because she's playing the "wait and call" game that I've heard so much about.
   
   THOU SHALL WAIT X NUMBER OF DAYS BEFORE PLACING A PHONE CALL TO SOMEONE YOU LIKE.
   
   My gawd that is some bullshit! Why are you calling them in the first place? Because you like them. And because you like them and have only the intention of getting to know them better, why wait? If the person you're calling deems you a stalker or a weirdo because they're unsure about how to receive your phone call, maybe you should reconsider why you're pursuing them.
   
   I get calls from my female friends about this and this is exactly what I tell them. One of the things I love most about my wife is that she went after me. We didn't play BS games with each other. She liked me. She called me. I reciprocated.
   
   
2. Dimitri did something that I think is valid (granted, he was a dick about how he went about explaining it). D-Man put limits on when he would be available for her. He was incredibly direct and to the point about what he wanted. I respect that part of it. Ladies, if a guy is a direct with you about what he wants, enjoy that part of that. Men, don't play around with hinting and toying with setting up those dates. Honesty is the key for any relationship to truly work. Starting with it upfront goes a long way.
   
   
3. As far as his statement that he says "There's nothing wrong with him", it's way off-base as his ego is leading that portion of the conversation. We are all messed up in some way. The world is a mess and it's perfect that way. Find the person who just as messed up as you are and settle down.

Yes, this post is a bit contradictory in nature. I recognize that Dimitri is a jerk but at the same time defending some of the higher point elements I feel he was trying to get across until his ego got the best of him. Hopefully this advice will help some of y'all out there.

Currently listening : The Power Of Love By Huey Lewis & The News

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=16074757&blogID=409921557&Mytoken=B24394DA-D7B8-4FC9-BBF3C8AAB224218C575972

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock

Last night the band tried playing to a click track piped through the PA. Magically all of our songs sounded better. Our songs are pretty decent but yet have been sloppy with people unable, thus, unwilling to hear and watch each other to tighten them up. When you have an electronic click track pinging in your ear the whole time, you tend to play better. all our songs where instantly better!

We have our third gig ever next month. I think we'll be in good shape for it. I'm trying to convince my singer to bust some DMX during/in between songs. The songs are begging him to do so!

Currently listening : It's Dark and Hell Is Hot By DMX Release date: 1998-05-19

Whoah! Yeah! Kickstart My Heart!

I hit my third roller rink of Chicagoland tonight. Funny how I've lived here for 10 years and had only gone to 2 other rollerinks (one was Rainbo, which I believe was the only rink actually within the city limits but it was torn down years ago to make room for condos, and the other ones was in Plainfield). They are somewhat of a commodity here as you can only find them in the 'burbs. We celebrated a friend of mine's birthday there. I could easily say I was the best skater tonight amongst us. I was complimented on my agility on the wooden floor and was told how they wish they could do it. I told them that while they were out going on dates, I was at the Rollercadehoning my skill son skates and unsuccessfully hitting on girls while I was there

I forgot just how much fun skating can be! I only wish I knew of some people who could skate relatively well and would like to join up for weekly blades in the city. It's something I look forward to hopefully do with Alexi once he's a little older .

Currently listening : Dr. Feelgood By Mötley Crüe Release date: 2003-04-08

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=16074757&blogID=408065182&Mytoken=66159421-58E0-4F4E-96E3F10045854E2799379815

I'm Going To Blow Your Mind

Yes, string theory in a concise video. Very cool stuff!

This ppresentation does lead to/bridge with manifesting concepts like destiny manifestation and Laws of Attraction. So, of course, I'm really into this.

Currently reading : A Brief History of Time By Stephen Hawking Release date: 1998-09-01