Afraid Of The Help

I wake up almost every day feeling overwhelmed.  I created a gravity well of stuff I feel I have to do.  I feel ike I "have" to do something proactive every day.  I spend a ton of energy on these items (in no particular order):

• Theatre (directing, acting, writing, booking, promoting)
• Maintaining the landscaping
• Doing Laundry (it never fawking ends!)
• Cleaning up the house (this also never fawking ends!)
• Work
• Play with my kids
• Call my friends & family
• Create online content (music/video/pictures)
• Home repairs

I wish I had a bloody assistant!  I have too many freaking things on my plate.  People tell me I don't delegate enough.  That is true.  However, I have also learned that many of the items I list above don't get done (or get done way to slowly) unless I do them myself or have someone tied to them who's invested emotionally with the item.  That's not a diss to anyone I work with on some of these things for they do their best to help out; however, I apoerate at different level than most with my expectations  and schedule to complete things.  I expect that these tasks are priority items when people help me out, and many times those same people don't see it that way.  I guess it's the nature of the beast.  The cliche holds true: good people are hard to find.  I am grateful for what help I do get but many times I wake up feeling helpless.

With that said, I hold the mantle for feeling this way.  I put too much emphasis on the future when I should probably be focusing on the task at hand.  I tend to operate out of a place of fear which probably motivates me to get things done quickly fearing the whole time that those things will not get done.  I need to work on accepting that when I do get help that the timeline I want may not be fulfilled and not be afraid to ask people to do it more quickly (many of the items above are time-sensitive for optimal results).  I may rub people the wrong way biut if I can approach it from the perspective of business and not make it a personal issue, I think these feelings I am having will dissipate.

But if I do get an assistant, she better be hot! :)

Rebooting My Blogging Spirit!

I was watching Dr. Drew's Celbrity Rehab yesterday and he had Bai Ling on there detailing history of abuse that she received in Tibet.  The biggest thing was that she was a journaler and was betrayed by an adult when that adult decided to read her most intimate thoughts aloud to everyone else in her camp; she refused to journal ever again.  I could see just how painful that was for her and it inspired me to rededicate myself to my blog.


I was never a huge journaler.  It requires a ton of effort.  Mostly my motivation for journaling is to get folks to read it and tell me that they love what I have to say.  Even with that said, I know that it has helped me in other ways organize my thoughts and put stuff in perspective for me as I approach them.  The biggest thing it does is that it allows me to describe my weaknesses and faults in an organized manner.  The funny thing is, no one ever comments on those blogs where I feel like crap, hate the world or myself, or am just plain angry about something.  Yet they tell me about the stuff that to me are pretty innocuous items like having a good rehearsal or a good mean.  Apparently people gravitate towards positivity more easily ;-)

With the whole Fall show writing circuit I'm on, I've realized I could be a much better writer overall.  I just need to practice.  This area will once again be one of my practice rounds.

I Guess You're Just What I Needed!

I've been heads down in running Salsation for the last few months.  This year has been super exciting for me and personally satisfying.  we started with a great fundraiser to set the stage for our Fall show and Touring season.  We had fantastic general auditions to pick up some new talent (none of which were scrubs like we've had at previous auditions) and it was cool to see how enthusiastic people were about working with us.  The Fall show cast consists almost entirely of Ensemble and Artistic Associates which hasn't happened in quite a while (probably never since I've joined the group).  The Touring folks have been consistently about to rehearsals and learning the material given to them.  We've got a couple of confirmed touring shows and are working on bringing others on board, i.e. REVENUE!  Salsa-Sketch 4 will be back again this year along with work on our 2012 season.   Our "Salsaiton Presents" format is going to be tested with a new sketch show by Wig Believe.  I've started the Salsation Nation Podcast and have started producing video segments as well.  Provided no one gets hit by the proverbial bus, we should be in good shape going into the next year!!!!

Artistically, I'm being challenged in my writing/contributions for the Fall show by our director Johnnie Hildreth, one of my Conservatory instructors.  Apparently I'm all about writing blackouts lately.  It's getting me to doubt myself and start puishing myself to bring in material to make the show.  It's an interesting dichotomy.  I know that the stuff I'm bringing in will work but it's just not "good enough" - I trust Johnnie's judgement and guidance to know something I don't so that we have a killer show this year :)  So, back to the drawing board, ya big dummy!

I feel the pull of trying to do more than one show at a time getting stronger.  I've been pretty good about not doing so as quite frankly, Salsation is a full time job lately.  I want to get into another musical improv show/production.  I want to shoot some video.  I want to write some songs.  It's nuts.  However, I want to be a good Dad above all so thank gawd I've got a loving wonder wife that allows me to do this one (and labrious) thing.  She's awesome.

I feel pretty lucky to be doing what I do.

Gurl...You Lookin' Fine!

All of a sudden I've become really quite aware towards female body issues.  It seems to me that almost all women I know REALLY don't like their bodies.  It's so weird to me that almost all of these women are attractive are 0-25% confident in their own bodies.  I have to know what causes women to obsess over their body types.

Anecdotes to come...

Records That Deserve To Be Replayed

during tonight's pre-show for The Dude Abides, I sat around with some of the cast members and we listed albums that are completely solid top to bottom. These are records that get played and never get skipped through.  Here's a top 10 list that come to mind:

	Foo Fighters - Wasting Light
	Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream
	Revis - Places for Breathing
	Dovetail Joint - 001
	Pearl Jam - Ten
	Incubus - Make Yourself
	Audioslave - Audioslave
	Citizen King - Mobile Estates
	Wheatus - Wheatus
	Presidents of the United States of America - Freak Out and Small

Yes, no Courageous Rue record is listed here. I still haven't made a masterpiece record...yet!