Taming an Overachiever

Today started out well. I was humming along at work, began promoting two shows, and was looking forward to a season of teaching and touring.   Then I my "overachiever gene" got activated.  The following thoughts popped into my head:

• You're not good enough.
• Why aren't you the go-to guy for expanding improv programming at such-and-such theatre?
• No one really recognizes nor cares about what you do.
• Do you really make a difference in people's lives?  Why are you even trying?
• You better do something AMAZING in the next two weeks or you'll never be taken seriously as a performer, producer, husband, or human being.

It was a bizarre artistic panic-attack that overwhelmed me to no end in the matter of seconds.  I began feeling the urge to do something about it.  I was going to share my workshops, come up with new marketing ideas for existing shows, reach out and connect online with more people to tell them about what I'm working on, follow up with emails to theatre owners trying to get involved in their teaching curricula, etc.

I then stopped.

Told myself to breathe.

"It's ok.  You're enough, Nelson.  You truly are.  Accept the way you are and all that you do is good."

I had to tell myself that 10 times as that feeling of inadequacy washed over me and left.  The burning need to gain acceptance from others subsided after a few minutes and was almost non-existent for the rest of my day.

I realize I need to take stock in what I do and truly cherish it.  No one else will be able to give me that sense of completion except myself.  I wont find it others. Hopefully, the next attack will be less traumatic.