Over the last few months I've begun to notice a shift in my own life regarding what I consider important and what I don't. It's kind of weird because I feel the old me fighting to remain right where it is vs. the new me taking over. As Biz Markie says, "Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me vs. me".
This week I canceled my first audition ever in the last 4 years due to an unforeseen family scheduling conflict. The weird thing was that I knew it was the right thing to do, and I paid no attention to the consequences of doing it on such short notice. I called them at the theatre company, left a mesasge, and sent an email notifying them of my absence. It was rather liberating operating out of love vs. fear.
I've also have been falling in love with Son-Son more and more everyday. He's becoming more of a man everyday and I just want to be with him more and more! It's an awesome feeling to have him look up at me and get a huge smile and holding his arms up to have me pick him up and twirl him around. I've been taking more time off from the computer and TV and just hanging with him unadulteratedly. I feel closer to him than ever.
The weird thing that caught me off guard was my strong reactions to hearing stories on the news or reading news online regarding harm to children. I get all worked up thinking about any harm coming to AKV. What am I going to do when I have a girl? Are the pole dancers going to see my occasional patronage discontinued?
When I was told repeatedly "Everything changes when you have kids", I knew that I was ready for a change. It's nice ot see that change be so natural and welcomed.