Saturday, October 18, 2008

What Kind of Father I Am

Yesterday the wifey and I found an odd but troubling medical condition with baby Alexi. As soon as it was brought to my attention, I basically flipped out. By flipping out, I mean I got very angry at myself . I was gripped by fear that my child would be in pain or harmed by something that I had done/not done as a first time father. I fought myself the entire time to not take my frustration with myself out on the wifey as well; it was an unsuccessful effort as I scowled at her at times with my pointed, passive aggressive comments . I rushed to get on the phone, make the necessary arrangements to have him looked at today, and was in a funk for the rest of the night.

It turned out that whatever was ailing him before cleared right up on its own and nothing needed to be done. The doctor gave Alexi a clean bill of health with almost a sense of "Why did you guys waste my time?" on his face .

I learned two things today. I totally love this kid and am willing and able to be his father. Secondly, I still have work to do to come to grips with the insecurities and fears in my life.

Currently watching :
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
Release date: 2008-01-29

Note: this was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=16074757&blogID=441852027&Mytoken=C7152190-FF4B-46FF-B86B0B364D3FE8DB218552609

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