Over the last year, I've seen what happens when you have a group of creative people vying for a say-so in a unified objective. Typically, they get nowhere fast with hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and animosity left on the path getting there. As much as I've learned form these endeavors, I keep getting myself into scenarios where the case brings itself up, and I get all bent out of shape about it.
My first instinct is to reflect on why I feel like crap whenever it happens. To me, it's tied to the perception of lack of control over involvement and creative expression. In this particular case, the objective is tied directly to what I feel is an area of expertise that I feel I am strongest in within the ensemble, thus, by matter of personal opinion, makes me the most qualified to run with the project from a technical perspective. I feel threatened by questions and disagreements as they affect my control over the current situation as well as the final product. As a result, I just want to drop everything regarding it and leaving it up to the universe to resolve. Yet I feel compelled to attempt to exert my control over it. Damn my ego for being so hungry to feed itself!
I've had a couple of discussions with the group to discuss my feelings on the matter. I feel a sense of balance and reason in weighing in their wants and needs with mine and the agreements we make reflect that when we meet. I've had a hard time dealing with anyone disagreeing with me on this one. My tongue has been bitten a few times to avoid confrontation and to allow time for me to explore my feelings to see if I was "in the right". Judgment is something I will rededicate myself to dropping, but I find it such a prevalent habit that it's difficult for me to do. In this case, I need to drop it as I won't get anywhere with these folks if I continue shooting down ideas for the wrong reasons.
Another challenge, another day.
| Currently listening : |
Saved By The Bell: Soundtrack To The Original Hit TV Series
By Various Artists
Release date: 11 April, 1995