Saturday, July 15, 2017

Getting What You Wanted

Last night I performed a show with Los Improviachis.  We opened up for our friends in Pimprov and we did a very good, fun show.  Afterwards we took pictures with different people and I had someone come up to me say, "Did you host a show opening for such-and-such about a year ago at Second City?"

I thought for a minute.  "Yes," I responded. "Yes I did."

"I saw you that night and you were amazing," she replied immediately with a twinkle in her eye and genuine enthusiasm.  "You did such an amazing job hosting that I've wanted to tell you that ever since!"

I was dumbfounded.

I've spent a better part of the last 10 years trying to get some respect and some light-weight fame from doing improv/sketch comedy.  I dream of the day when I walk outside my cozy home and local people recognize me for the things I've done on stage, film, TV, and in the community.  Companies would try to reach out to offer me all kinds of incredible opportunities to raise their profile and mine because I've earned the privilege to do so.  People would start wanting to pay beaucoup bucks for the chance to see me in a show let alone try to get an opportunity to talk to me.  All of these things are big goals for me.

So, when I finally got a little recognition from this lovely lady for something I did artistically a year ago, I all of a suddenly got really warm, started blushing, put on a silly grin, and profusely thanked her all the while holding onto a feeling of hubris mixed with a bit of embarrassment and insecurity.  "This is what you wanted," I kept telling myself.  So, WHY DO I FEEL SO WEIRD?!!

How To Be Humble
In a segment on NPR's All Things Considered, Keegan Michael Key, an actor that I look up to and admire, made an interesting comment while promoting his new Netflix show "Friends From College" that really resonated with me:
On never believing he deserved success, and how that reflects a broader American tendency
I'm from the Midwest, so I always assumed: Well, I have to think badly of myself, because that's being humble. And where I'm from, you get points for being humble and you get an extra special big house in heaven. That's the rule, right? Now, you have these dirty dreams in the back of your mind: ... What if there was the first black James Bond, and it was me? You're going to hell. You're never allowed to dream that big.
Cot damn.  He's right.  I find myself trying to ruining these type of moment with my insecurities because I feel that if I fully enjoy them, I'd become a big-headed, arrogant jerk and start doing stupid things.  I was trying to be humble but I really just wanted to lose my head right there and start babbling like an idiot.  That strange governor that I enacted on my reactions was in full effect.

I'm gonna work on staying humble by being humble versus hating on myself.