Monday, April 20, 2009

Having done my research of watching trashy daytime TV, I felt like I must list out the obligatory list of catchphrases in the case you are ever taken to NY to let the world know you're a degenerate:

  • (While screaming) "*Father's name*, when that DNA [test] comes back saying you are the father, you need to step up, and be a man, and take care of your responsibilities!!!"

  • "Maury, I'm 1000% sure I (am/am not) that baby's father!"

  • (While pointing at the TV screen with a side-by-side set of pictures of the baby & the accused) "Look at that!  Look at that, Maury!  My baby got the same (mouth/eyes/nose/ears/forehead/hairline/complexion/buckteeth/IQ) as his Daddy!"

  • "I ain't slept with nobody else except him, Maury!  I swear!"
    Note: You can predict what the outcome will be due to the use of the double negative in this statement. 

  • "Maury,  I'm step up and take care of that kid."

  • (While screaming) "*Mother's name*, there's no way I can be the father of that kid cuz I went to the doctor and he told me I was sterile!  So there's no way I can be the father of that baby!"
    Note: The kind of guy saying this has 3-4 other kids with 3-4 other women.

  • "There's no way I can be the father of that baby cuz we only had sex one time...it last only 2 minutes!"

If you have any other lines to offer, post 'em up!


Currently reading:
Against the Machine: How the Web Is Reshaping Culture and Commerce -- and Why It Matters
By Lee Siegel
Release date: 2009-03-17

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=16074757&blogId=484419537

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