Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Anger and Fear

Current mood:  thoughtful
I'm thinking about making the title a new ringtone since everybody pretty much now has a cellphone to play it on and everybody has "issues".  That term has been overused by me and many others to describe characteristics of others that we don't like or approve of.  Should it be more like "I've got issues with you"? 

Every time we get angry, hurt, sad, happy, or jubilant, it's our own internal emotional response to something going on in our lives.  No one "makes" you feel the way you feel.  You encountered a situation, chose an emotion to attach to it, and responded according to how the emotion drove you.  As my vocal teacher told me, "Every time someone makes you angry, thank them, because you have something with yourself you need to work on".

I'll admit that the last few months have been incredibly difficult to keep my emotions in line.  It's like the deep understanding of the paragraph above went out the window, and anger has been my go-to emotion.  A lot of my anger is counter-weight/cover-up for the underlying fears I have - fear of failure and non-acceptance.  If I fail at any given task or opportunity, I won't be accepted by others.  I want to be accepted by others all the time even though I play it off like I don't.  So, to deal with it, I get angry about situations I cannot control nor need to worry about, thus, I am spending way too much energy on things that are inconsequential.  Why spend that energy feeling awful when I can just focus on the things that make me feel good and appreciate them?  It's because I got myself into this bad habit of going negative first and not having a core belief in my own value and worth.  That has got to change immediately.

What drove me to write this blog is knowing that I'm being perceived as having problems such to the point that they're counterproductive.  Yes, I do have them, however, I recognize them and everyday am working on being a better person by exploring the genesis of my most deep-rooted emotions; working through the core problem erases any chage to subsequently associated/similar situations in the future.   For as any problems folks perceive as me having, perhaps others should also look wihtin themselves and explore what's driving them to point the finger.

Currently reading:
Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires
By Esther Hicks

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=16074757&blogId=471297375

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