Sunday, June 29, 2008

The "Crank Dat" Epidemic

I've been researching the "Crank Dat" culture for the last few days thanks to an online beef between Soulja Boy Tell'em and Ice-T. Is the demise of quality hip-hop upon us or is it evolving?

Iceberg brings up some good points regarding this kind of music. I call it plop-hop because these guys are really dropping some massive boolsheet on these records. If you really don't want to think at all when you're listening to the something, this is perfect for you . The choruses are incredibly uninspired and annoyingly repetitive. Here's a small list of example choruses:

  • Watch me crank dat yank. Watch me crank dat yank. Watch me crank dat yank.
  • Crank dat Urkel. Crank dat Urkel. Crank dat Urkel.
  • Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Superman.
  • Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Spiderman.
WTF?! What's next?!
  • Crank dat Inspector Gadget
  • Crank dat Molly Ringwald
  • Crank dat Crankshaft
  • Crank dat Deathrace 2000
  • Crank dat Rhinoplasty
I feel like every time one of these songs come on, my IQ drops 100 points. I can't understand 90% of the stuff they say on these records because diction and vocabulary is non-existent in these songs. For example, here's how I hear the lyrics to Soulja Boy's Crank That:

Soulja Boy up in it *ohhhhhhh*
Watch me crank dat. Watch me *roooooollllllll*
Watch me crank dat Soulja Boy.
That Superman that *ooooohhhhh* That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby

Why is he referencing a wallaby in this song? What does that have to do with Superman. Is that an additional weakness that hasn't been documented? Is he Superman? He's awfully skinny to be a superhero. Then the lyrics and flow of the verses sound like a 4th grader wrote them:

Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe
Watch me Lean And Watch Me Rock?
Super Man Dat Hoe
Then Watch me Crank Dat Robocop?
Super Fresh, Now Watch Me Jock
Jocking On Them Haterz Man
When I Do Dat Soulja Boy
I Lean To The Left And Crank Dat Dance
(Now You)
I'm Jocking On Yo Bitch Ass
And If We Get The Fightin
Then I'm Cocking On Your Bitch
You Catch Me At Yo Local Party
Yes I Crank It Everyday
Haterz Get Mad Cause
"I Got Me some Bathing Apes"

I got me some bathing apes?! Did Dr. Zaius make it out alive somehow?! Since when has the word Superman become a verb? Fawk, well, then in that case, I'ma "Flavor Flav" this genre right now and call it wack!

Now, Ice-T has written some wack-ass lyrical material himself (especially to songs from the Body Count records); however, even his worst stuff is 1000X better than this crap. At least with Ice-T lyrics, you have to have a decent mastery of the English language. Crank music is appealing to the lowest common educational demoninator. Here are the lyrics to my next new crank song:

A B C D E F G *duhhhhhhhh*
H I J K L M N O P *duhhhhhhhh*
Q R S T U V *duhhhhhhhh*
W X Y Z *duhhhhhhhh*

I can spell the words I use
Because I crank dat Dr. Seuss
Watch me wear these county blues
That electric chair! Now cook my goose!

Yeah, it's still a work in progress. I think its awesome!

As Ice says, it's not an "east coast/west coast" thing or a "north vs. south" thing. It's a "good hip-hop vs. bad hip-hop" issue. I've been having that issue for a long time. I gave up on rap almost 15 years ago because it changed to a genre that had nothing to do with why I liked hip-hop. As I've gotten older, I've gone back to listen to stuff from that era. I begun to like some of it because even now that stuff is dated. Compared to the crap being put out today that stuff is still 100% better. There are a few artists out there right now that I like that have put out records in the last 5 years but a lot of the stuff on radio sux ballz. Crank music isn't helping.

I'd like to end this entry with the video for "Crank Dat Bullshit". I think it summarizes the ridiculousness of this passing fad.

Currently listening :
O.G. Original Gangster
By Ice-T
Release date: 1991-05-14

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:

No comments: