Sunday, June 29, 2008

The "Crank Dat" Epidemic

I've been researching the "Crank Dat" culture for the last few days thanks to an online beef between Soulja Boy Tell'em and Ice-T. Is the demise of quality hip-hop upon us or is it evolving?

Iceberg brings up some good points regarding this kind of music. I call it plop-hop because these guys are really dropping some massive boolsheet on these records. If you really don't want to think at all when you're listening to the something, this is perfect for you . The choruses are incredibly uninspired and annoyingly repetitive. Here's a small list of example choruses:

  • Watch me crank dat yank. Watch me crank dat yank. Watch me crank dat yank.
  • Crank dat Urkel. Crank dat Urkel. Crank dat Urkel.
  • Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Superman.
  • Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Superman. Crank dat Spiderman.
WTF?! What's next?!
  • Crank dat Inspector Gadget
  • Crank dat Molly Ringwald
  • Crank dat Crankshaft
  • Crank dat Deathrace 2000
  • Crank dat Rhinoplasty
I feel like every time one of these songs come on, my IQ drops 100 points. I can't understand 90% of the stuff they say on these records because diction and vocabulary is non-existent in these songs. For example, here's how I hear the lyrics to Soulja Boy's Crank That:

Soulja Boy up in it *ohhhhhhh*
Watch me crank dat. Watch me *roooooollllllll*
Watch me crank dat Soulja Boy.
That Superman that *ooooohhhhh* That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby
*Yoouuuuu* Crank that Soul That wallaby

Why is he referencing a wallaby in this song? What does that have to do with Superman. Is that an additional weakness that hasn't been documented? Is he Superman? He's awfully skinny to be a superhero. Then the lyrics and flow of the verses sound like a 4th grader wrote them:

Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe
Watch me Lean And Watch Me Rock?
Super Man Dat Hoe
Then Watch me Crank Dat Robocop?
Super Fresh, Now Watch Me Jock
Jocking On Them Haterz Man
When I Do Dat Soulja Boy
I Lean To The Left And Crank Dat Dance
(Now You)
I'm Jocking On Yo Bitch Ass
And If We Get The Fightin
Then I'm Cocking On Your Bitch
You Catch Me At Yo Local Party
Yes I Crank It Everyday
Haterz Get Mad Cause
"I Got Me some Bathing Apes"

I got me some bathing apes?! Did Dr. Zaius make it out alive somehow?! Since when has the word Superman become a verb? Fawk, well, then in that case, I'ma "Flavor Flav" this genre right now and call it wack!

Now, Ice-T has written some wack-ass lyrical material himself (especially to songs from the Body Count records); however, even his worst stuff is 1000X better than this crap. At least with Ice-T lyrics, you have to have a decent mastery of the English language. Crank music is appealing to the lowest common educational demoninator. Here are the lyrics to my next new crank song:

A B C D E F G *duhhhhhhhh*
H I J K L M N O P *duhhhhhhhh*
Q R S T U V *duhhhhhhhh*
W X Y Z *duhhhhhhhh*

I can spell the words I use
Because I crank dat Dr. Seuss
Watch me wear these county blues
That electric chair! Now cook my goose!

Yeah, it's still a work in progress. I think its awesome!

As Ice says, it's not an "east coast/west coast" thing or a "north vs. south" thing. It's a "good hip-hop vs. bad hip-hop" issue. I've been having that issue for a long time. I gave up on rap almost 15 years ago because it changed to a genre that had nothing to do with why I liked hip-hop. As I've gotten older, I've gone back to listen to stuff from that era. I begun to like some of it because even now that stuff is dated. Compared to the crap being put out today that stuff is still 100% better. There are a few artists out there right now that I like that have put out records in the last 5 years but a lot of the stuff on radio sux ballz. Crank music isn't helping.

I'd like to end this entry with the video for "Crank Dat Bullshit". I think it summarizes the ridiculousness of this passing fad.

Currently listening :
O.G. Original Gangster
By Ice-T
Release date: 1991-05-14

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:

Friday, June 27, 2008

Hey Ladies!

Please check out this voicemail from a guy named Dimitri to a chick named Olga.

Now, I agree that Dimitri is arrogant and a bit overbearing with his diatribe about how good a catch he is and playing pseudo/amateur psychologist regarding the motivations behind why this woman hasn't returned his phone calls. Apparently he hasn't read She's Just Not Into You either; however, he does bring up a few good points that always rub me the wrong way about courtships.

  1. People play games when they like each other. Why? Both women and men play games rather than being honest with themselves and each other. Dimitri believe that Olga may not be calling him back because she's playing the "wait and call" game that I've heard so much about.


    My gawd that is some bullshit! Why are you calling them in the first place? Because you like them. And because you like them and have only the intention of getting to know them better, why wait? If the person you're calling deems you a stalker or a weirdo because they're unsure about how to receive your phone call, maybe you should reconsider why you're pursuing them.

    I get calls from my female friends about this and this is exactly what I tell them. One of the things I love most about my wife is that she went after me. We didn't play BS games with each other. She liked me. She called me. I reciprocated.

  2. Dimitri did something that I think is valid (granted, he was a dick about how he went about explaining it). D-Man put limits on when he would be available for her. He was incredibly direct and to the point about what he wanted. I respect that part of it. Ladies, if a guy is a direct with you about what he wants, enjoy that part of that. Men, don't play around with hinting and toying with setting up those dates. Honesty is the key for any relationship to truly work. Starting with it upfront goes a long way.

  3. As far as his statement that he says "There's nothing wrong with him", it's way off-base as his ego is leading that portion of the conversation. We are all messed up in some way. The world is a mess and it's perfect that way. Find the person who just as messed up as you are and settle down.
Yes, this post is a bit contradictory in nature. I recognize that Dimitri is a jerk but at the same time defending some of the higher point elements I feel he was trying to get across until his ego got the best of him. Hopefully this advice will help some of y'all out there.

Currently listening :
The Power Of Love
By Huey Lewis & The News

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock

Last night the band tried playing to a click track piped through the PA. Magically all of our songs sounded better. Our songs are pretty decent but yet have been sloppy with people unable, thus, unwilling to hear and watch each other to tighten them up. When you have an electronic click track pinging in your ear the whole time, you tend to play better. all our songs where instantly better!

We have our third gig ever next month. I think we'll be in good shape for it. I'm trying to convince my singer to bust some DMX during/in between songs. The songs are begging him to do so!

Currently listening :
It's Dark and Hell Is Hot
Release date: 1998-05-19

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Whoah! Yeah! Kickstart My Heart!

I hit my third roller rink of Chicagoland tonight. Funny how I've lived here for 10 years and had only gone to 2 other rollerinks (one was Rainbo, which I believe was the only rink actually within the city limits but it was torn down years ago to make room for condos, and the other ones was in Plainfield). They are somewhat of a commodity here as you can only find them in the 'burbs. We celebrated a friend of mine's birthday there. I could easily say I was the best skater tonight amongst us. I was complimented on my agility on the wooden floor and was told how they wish they could do it. I told them that while they were out going on dates, I was at the Rollercadehoning my skill son skates and unsuccessfully hitting on girls while I was there

I forgot just how much fun skating can be! I only wish I knew of some people who could skate relatively well and would like to join up for weekly blades in the city. It's something I look forward to hopefully do with Alexi once he's a little older .

Currently listening :
Dr. Feelgood
By Mötley Crüe
Release date: 2003-04-08

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:

Friday, June 20, 2008

I'm Going To Blow Your Mind

Yes, string theory in a concise video. Very cool stuff!

This ppresentation does lead to/bridge with manifesting concepts like destiny manifestation and Laws of Attraction. So, of course, I'm really into this.
Currently reading :
A Brief History of Time
By Stephen Hawking
Release date: 1998-09-01

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Bouncing Compliments

I was at Julio's getting my cheese on when I ran into one of the hostesses. She struck up a conversation with me asking me how the wifey and baby are doing. She eventually asked me if I worked around the area of North and Clyborn in Chicago. I told her no but I did do a lot of stuff at Second City and I'm just at Julio's all the time. She then told me that she just figured that since I was around all the time, I must be a bouncer at a local club.

Awesome! Someone thinks that I am actually menacing enough to bounce people out of a club! I thanked her and told her I would take that as a major compliment, however, I am no fighter. She could probably kick my butt.

Well, I'm off to bed. Gotta rest up to bounce my arse outta bed for work!

Currently reading :
Programming PHP
By Rasmus Lerdorf

Note:This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Nelson Phone (Coming) Home

I've ordered my replacement phone as it's been a week without my cellphone. Here are a few observations I've had since I haven't had my phone:

  1. Time slows down. I use my phone as my main chronological measuring tool and not having it has definitely made the days longer and everything that happens in it.

  2. I know who my true friends are. In this entire week, I've only received one voicemail. Granted, I probably thwarted other people's attempts to call since I let everyone know my phone has been incognito. However, those same people have had my home phone number and only 2 people have called.

  3. My own life seems so much more interesting now. I am not as concerned about what other people are doing to prompt me to call them. I live my life moment-to-moment.

  4. Life goes on. Just because I don't have my phone it doesn't mean things stop. Damn. I just blew my whole "THe Entire World Revolves Around Nelson" theory

  5. Owning the iPhone is still a ways off. I want one primarily for the web browsing and cool factor. It'd also free up my iPod Classic to give to the wifey while I bump tunes in the phone. However, I can't justify the cost of buying one unlocked, signing a contract with T-Mobile, buying a SIM card for it, and keeping my family on Sprint at the same time. It's just not cost effective.
Oh well. I'll get a nice, shiny replacement Sanyo Katana phone for $50 in a couple of days. Hopefully I can carry over some of the freedoms I rediscovered when I didn't have it with my new phone.
Currently listening :
By Foo Fighters
Release date: 2000-07-25

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Father’s Day Memory

I woke up this morning from a really vivid dream involving Linsey Lohan and her mom . I'll let you fill in the details but it was enough to wake me up with this first memory of my Dad (I know, totally a non-sequitor).

Back in the day, I was 15 years old and eager to put my driving skills to the test at any given moment. My Dad was cool enough to let me take the car out all the time and run errands on his behalf. So, I would of course take my best friends with me wherever we went. One day, my Dad asked me to take the car out and get it waxed. I didn't know how to wax the car then and I still don't really know today, so, of course, I asked dear old Dad how to do it. He proceeds to tell me to apply the wax and leave it on to build a film on the car. Once it dries, apply another coat. At that instant I had an immediate audio flashback in my head to The Karate Kid with "wax on, wax off", thus, I asked him, "Are you sure? You just want me to put on wax and leave it there?" He then told me he was talking to a guy at the barbershop and he said that the way he does it. I shrugged my shoulders and went back to my room wher emy best friend was and told him we were going to wax the car. Even he questioned my Dad's logic. I told him we'll do it anyway and see what happens.

Outside it was at least 95° F. We went to AutoZone, bought some wax, and read the instructions. The instructions say to put the wax in a shady area and take it off almost immediately. We followed all of the instructions to the letter except the wax removal part of it. So, we drive the car around the neighborhood with a bunch of little white circles all over it. We pulled into an adjacent apartment complex and pull up to a corner and stop. This little kid on a bike looks at the car and yells, "Oooooohhhh! That's an UGLY car!" My friend and I bust out laughing and I reply, "Fawk you kid! Go play in traffic!" We start driving back to the house weaving back on forth on the sides of the street due to laughing so hard at the ridiculousness of the situation and me not being able to see due to the tears in my eyes.

We got home and the whole time I kept thinking, "This is wrong. This is so wrong." I then jump up 30 minutes later and go, "Dude, let's take the stuff off!" So, we run downstairs and get to the car and try in vain to get it off. No luck. I start thinking of how my Dad is going to blow up when he finds out this paint job is ruined. So, I drudge back up the stairs and break the news to him. He's surprisingly calm ad says, "Oh well, don't worry about it. I'll get someone to take care of it. I know a guy with an electric buffer." So, at this point, the car is all messed up with a paint job on it.

The car stayed in that state for almost two weeks. My Mom's car broke down and she had to take me to school in that thing. I don't get embarrassed easily, but damn was I wishing that no one at school saw me get out of that P.O.S. in the morning. Eventually, the car was livable with a nice redish primer color coating it. Eventually it got repainted.

So, thanks Dad for teaching me the valuable lesson of confessing when you really don't know something about cars. Much love!

Currently listening :
Round & Round
By Tevin Campbell
Release date: 1990-10-03

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:

Sunday, June 8, 2008

I Reject B.J.’s

My first experience with B.J., a Costco/Sam's Club-like club-only warehouse facility popular on the east coast, was a little unpleasant. After spending most of the time roaming around looking for barbecue items like meat, rub, pasta, vegetables, Yankees hats, and additional memory for my camera, we got in-line at the checkout. It was nice to know that all warehouses are madhouses on the weekends across America. An Amy Grant song ("Baby Baby") was playing and it was obligatory for me to sing along. That's when the drama went down.

The girl at the counter looks me straight in the eye and says immediately, "Don't quit your day job. You need to keep it." I looked for a smile or a chuckle but it didn't come. I looked straight back and her and replied, "That was rude. Just simply rude. Are there any other insults you would like to give me while I stand here?" She then realized I wasn't kidding. She then half-ass apologized to me and said, "Well, I'm sorry if you got offended by it. I was ONLY joking." I then said, "We don't have the kind of relationship. You don't know me and I don't know you. I just found you really rude." She then began to quickly attempt to check us out. I then left the checkout area to find a bathroom to relieve myself physically and emotionally.

The reason I actually didn't go along with her joke was because it was the first thing she said to me as a customer. No "Hi, how are you? Welcome to B.J.'s" or "May I have your card?" came up prior to her comment. It was just *bang* insult. When I thought of my response, I thought of it in slow motion. Here's what went on in my mind:

What did she just say? Is she serious? Yep, looks like it. Was I out of tune? I don't think so. What a rude thing to say. Maybe she was just joking. Actually, I don't care if she is. What kind of customer service is this to insult your patrons? Who the hell does she think she is?!

An evil part of me came out today. The fact that I felt so justified in my reaction scared me a little because normally I recognize that she just pushed a button of mine, and, thus, I take a "big man" approach to it. This time, for whatever reason, I chose to lash back. I know that part of the reaction is delving in my insecurities but the other one is my anger towards the decline in good customer service.

Currently listening :
Heart in Motion
By Amy Grant
Release date: 2007-08-14

Note: This was originally posted up on MySpace with comments at:

Friday, June 6, 2008

Holy Crap!

'nuff said! Fawk the finish line! Where's the toilet??!!!

Currently listening :
Wipe off Your Ass
By Yuu

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:

Glad It’s Over

Yesterday was my last scheduled show of the year. Genre provided the platform to play and the Skybox provided the burnt orange stage to allow us to perform. Show-wise, it was a rather good show where we had a lot of fun together and got through almost all of our genres before our 25 minutes was over. We had a great run over all.

Brat Pack went well overall. Recapitulation is attempting a remount in the next few months so we'll see where it goes. Just glad we got in one show for the year at least. Salsation extended Chanklas for another three weeks so that'llbe done soon. So producer-wise, I'll be done for the year except for some work here and there.

Auditions are being offered here and there. I've got a confirmed audition for theatre in a couple of weeks. It's is a long-term thing if I get it. I got the push from the wifey to audition as even she saw it as good opportunity even with a baby on the way. Talk about love!

Overall, I am glad to have done so much in 2008 especially in May. I'm grateful for everyone who supported these effort, believed in me and skills, and actually came out to see the shows. I'm very proud of the work I've done and look forward to a well-deserved break.

Currently listening :
Fight With Tools
By Flobots
Release date: 2008-05-20

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at: