I've invented a new game. It's called "Guitar Center". No, it's not a video game for aspiring semi-air guitarists. Here are the rules:
- Anyone of any age can play.
- At least two players are recommended. The game can be played with just one but it's seriously not as fun.
- All players must play guitar. Preferrably an electric guitar. No skill level is required.
- Starting with any participant, every player must spend 1-3 minutes recreating their favorite "Guitar Center Moment" (GCM), i.e., riffs and/or dialogue they heard from other customers and staff, facial expressions that they saw, and comments they had on the entire experience.
- This can be repeated by each player any number of times until the hilarity stops.
- The player with the funniest GCM wins!
- The Heavy Metal Kid
Typically there's some 15 year old kid is sitting around, wearing all black, chains, and leather holding some kind of "metal" guitar such as a B.C Rich, Ibanez, Jackson, or LTD completely butchering some old Metallica riff ("Enter Sandman" is a favorite) while playing with the most gain possible on a Marshall.
- The Blues Guy
This is some guy in his mid-40s playing a Fender Strat or Tele plugged into a Fender amplifier and wanking off the same 3 licks over the span of an hour. Sometimes they like to play the One Note Song which consists of soloing with one note and one note only in the key of whatever background music is blaring in the store and trying to make it sound like the most soulful thing they've ever heard. Typically the facial expressions on The Blues Guy are the funniest to watch.
- The Shredder
This is typically a gigging musician in his early twenties who can actually play all the leads The Heavy Metal Kid can't play. The guitar and amp setups are the same but the volume difference is 200 fold. This guy needs to let everyone in the store know that he can solo and play quickly. Of course, this guy never ever buys anything he plays through and leaves once the store staff tell him to turn down or notices no one is watching him.
- The Jazz Guy
This dude is typically in his 50s, plays an eclectic guitar through a boutique amplifier such as a Roland JC-120 or a Kittie Hawk. This guy keeps to himself and doesn't bother anyone. He also uses the most complex voicing of guitar chords possible because, well, that's jazz. I like this guy because he's probably the only guy who can actually read music in the entire store.
- The Guitar Center Staff Guy
One of the fun type of people to showcase in the game. It's usually some ugly guy that follows you around the store asking you dumb questions like,
"Anything I can help you out with?"
"Want to make some noise?"
"All of our Fender Squiers and Epiphones are on sale for the next 13 minutes...want one?"
"Wanna fill out a Guitar Center credit card application?"
Usually this guy doesn't know anything in depth about the product(s) you are trying out, ad disappears for hours trying to get you an answer. They're typically someone in a band and wants to be in the industry in a limited fashion. They also try to "cut you a break" by "taking care of you" in a rouse to make you think you're saving money by working with them (mark up at guitar center is anywhere from 100-150% from what it cost them to buy it, so, remember that when haggling with these guys). These guys are popular with moms and girlfriends of musicians because they look like they can help them out. Think of a guitar-selling Quagmire. *giggity*
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Freaked Out And Small
By Presidents Of The USA
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