Jumping head-first into stuff is something that oever time I've been learning how to do. The sensation of not having complete control over a situation is very daunting, because my first inclination is to attempt to protect myself from failure and the resultant humiliation of failure (which of course, all is in my head and isn't real). So, on those occasions where the risk was taken, things typicaly turn out for the better.
I am helping putting together a series of improv shows with a local ensemble so we can continue exploring all the stuff we've learned together. The ensemble is rather big in size, however, it works quite well together in taking care of each other on stage and off. The only thing that makes this task cumbersome at times are people's schedules and availability. It seems that at least half of the folks are in troupes of their own or have shows up the ying-yang (yes, the ying-yang), thus, trying to get a fix on how far this group is gonna go in the calendar year seems to be a shot in the dark. This, of course, piques my fear-o-meter up a bit.
After a few minutes of lamenting my thoughts, a friend of mine reminded me of some fantastic advise. It was to basically take the group dynamic and progress day by day. I have only control over my actions, wants, and needs, and it could be that everything works out perfectly or it doesn't. Accept it, Nelson. Pushing harder to solidify everything isn't going to make everyone happy in the long run since people will only put in as much as they'll get out of it, and there is no guarantee of success.
As I was reminded of this, I thought back to my days of being a rock band leader. This is exactly how I felt and moved when I would go through 13-15 drummers and bassists in a band's lifetime. My sense of commitment and wanting to succeed put me at odds with members in my group, because I felt they weren't doing their "fair" share. It made the whole situation uncomfortable for all and a lot of resentment went around which ultimately forced me to quit doing music for some time and work to get out of my head about a lot of my musicianship. When I got into acting, I promised I would take things in stride and enjoy every second of it. Looks like I forgot about that for a while.
I'm learning the ropes on how to put together a successful production. Just like in improv, make each moment wonderful, and when you have strung each one of those moments together, you have a wonderful result at the end.
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By Smashing Pumpkins
Release date: 10 July, 2007