I went shopping a couple of days ago looking for some charcoal for my grill. I found a bag of Kingsford charwood, not briquette charcoal, sitting in aisle. So, I picked some up thinking that it would give a smokier, more barbecued taste to the meat. After using this stuff, I definitely got more of a taste but not of charcoal .
I noticed the bag was a lot lighter than a regular bag of charcoal. I was like, "Dude, this is going to rock!" When I got home and opened the bag, it looked like actual chunks for wood from a campfire! I got even more excited. So, I put the stuff in my grill, made a nice pyramid of it, then added lighter fluid. I lit the fluid and the fire got started...then after about a minute, it stopped. WTF? OK, so I dumped more lighter fluid on it and got it going again. After 3-4 minutes it stopped. I checked to see if the chunks were lit but I couldn't really tell since there was very low-heat coming from it and very little ash was being made. I told myself to be patient, but a fear crept over me.
I believe men have an innate fear of not being able to start and maintain a fire. I feel like such a wuss when I can't get the grill going. I go to great lengths to buy lighter fluid drench charcoal just to make sure that thing lights and stays lit. When the fire goes out, I feel like the Y chromosome has failed me some how, and I am a fawktard for even trying to master the gawdly power of fire.
So, I drench the wood again with lighter fluid and relight the beatch. The great plume of flames that rose 5 feet into the air was satisfaction enough for me to walk away and get the meat prepared. About 15 minutes later, I put the cooking grill on top, waited for it to get hot and then lay my meat on it. I cook the meat very well-done (burnt) and go inside to enjoy my meal.
I take bite of my meat. It tastes a little weird. No problem. I'm sure mashed potatoes will drown the taste out. But my tongue feels weird. Have another bite, Nelson. I eat another bite. Tastes worse than before. Oh gawd. Oh gawd, no! My meat tastes like lighter fluid!!!
I have a weird thing about throwing away food. I had to overcome the fact I screwed up my meal by being scared of maintaining the fire. I reluctantly threw away the meal and microwaved up some soy burgers and finished my meal.
Guess what I'm trying today again...
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One Man Revolution
By The Nightwatchman
Release date: 24 April, 2007
Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at: