Sunday, January 21, 2007

The Anti-Socialite

I tried easing back into my regular rhythm of events this weekend. I actually stayed up beyond 7 PM Friday night, practiced with MWR (I actually remembered how to play the drums and the entire arrangements of the songs!), and checked out the opening night of TMKLS:AKM. I then went to bed Saturday morning around 1 AM and woke up around 10 AM. Things were looking pretty good. I then went to class from 1-4 PM. Things kinda went a little haywire.

When I'm away from an activity, I tend to rust. My theatre skills were a bit rusty walking in so I worked really hard on keeping what was going on during class in perspective with the last 4-5 weeks on non-use. I felt out-of-balance the entire time, awkward, and a bit scared. Overall, I think I did fine but I know my performances were very "heady" and overthought which most of the times I perform is the opposite case .

We went out afterwards for drinks and since I had put my car in the shop and needed to pick it up before 5 PM, I knew I would do my Sit-and-Chat-For-10-Minutes-Then-Jet ritual. For some reason though yesterday, I didn't feel well both mentally and physically after class (maybe one caused the other...who knows ). A lot of "talking shop" was going on and I wasn't in the mood to jump in. When the conversations steered away from that, I felt like observing and staying quiet. I could tell people were noticing, because I got a lot of "What's wrong?" questions thrown at me which I could only respond to with "Nothing" or "I don't feel well". The latter response was true while the former was bit of a stretch considering everything going on in my head. Plus, you can't really discuss your jet-lag, bowel movements, and insecurities in a loud bar with 10 other people (when I get more famous, THEN I will definitely talk about my bowel movements! )

After a bit of time, I stood up and patted my homey next to me on the back and announced, "I'm out."

*Kick in Bullet Time Effect*

The whole group stopped talking and looked right at me and seemed genuinely sad to see me go. I heard someone tell me "Hey, I'm sorry." like they did something wrong to cause me to leave . I told them to not apologize because they had done nothing wrong and that I honestly didn't feel well plus I had to pick up my car. At that moment I realized I may have looked like a complete jerk to these folks with my abrupt exit.

I tend to kick myself pretty hard when I am an anti-socialite, and I need to learn that it's ok to be that way at times. I thought my return to my life after such a weird, grueling, unwanted trip would be cinch. Perhaps I need more "Nelson Time". Another day...another thing learned.
Currently reading :
No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog
By Margaret Mason
Release date: 11 August, 2006

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