I tried easing back into my regular rhythm of events this weekend. I actually stayed up beyond 7 PM Friday night, practiced with MWR (I actually remembered how to play the drums and the entire arrangements of the songs!), and checked out the opening night of TMKLS:AKM. I then went to bed Saturday morning around 1 AM and woke up around 10 AM. Things were looking pretty good. I then went to class from 1-4 PM. Things kinda went a little haywire.
When I'm away from an activity, I tend to rust. My theatre skills were a bit rusty walking in so I worked really hard on keeping what was going on during class in perspective with the last 4-5 weeks on non-use. I felt out-of-balance the entire time, awkward, and a bit scared. Overall, I think I did fine but I know my performances were very "heady" and overthought which most of the times I perform is the opposite case .
We went out afterwards for drinks and since I had put my car in the shop and needed to pick it up before 5 PM, I knew I would do my Sit-and-Chat-For-10-Minutes-Then-Jet ritual. For some reason though yesterday, I didn't feel well both mentally and physically after class (maybe one caused the other...who knows ). A lot of "talking shop" was going on and I wasn't in the mood to jump in. When the conversations steered away from that, I felt like observing and staying quiet. I could tell people were noticing, because I got a lot of "What's wrong?" questions thrown at me which I could only respond to with "Nothing" or "I don't feel well". The latter response was true while the former was bit of a stretch considering everything going on in my head. Plus, you can't really discuss your jet-lag, bowel movements, and insecurities in a loud bar with 10 other people (when I get more famous, THEN I will definitely talk about my bowel movements! )
After a bit of time, I stood up and patted my homey next to me on the back and announced, "I'm out."
The whole group stopped talking and looked right at me and seemed genuinely sad to see me go. I heard someone tell me "Hey, I'm sorry." like they did something wrong to cause me to leave . I told them to not apologize because they had done nothing wrong and that I honestly didn't feel well plus I had to pick up my car. At that moment I realized I may have looked like a complete jerk to these folks with my abrupt exit.
I tend to kick myself pretty hard when I am an anti-socialite, and I need to learn that it's ok to be that way at times. I thought my return to my life after such a weird, grueling, unwanted trip would be cinch. Perhaps I need more "Nelson Time". Another day...another thing learned.
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No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog
By Margaret Mason
Release date: 11 August, 2006