Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Where Am I Going?

Per previous posts, I've stated I am taking a hiatus from taking on any new projects/efforts in the month of September to catch my breath, spend some time with my family, and kinda figure out what it is I want to do creatively. It's been difficult at times because downtime for me sometimes gets translated into "being lazy" instead of just enjoying the time off for what it is and not thinking beyond the moement. However, I have found a lot of enjoyment of being at home and staring into my dogs eyes for long moments, and telling her how much I love her and appreciate her in my life while I stroke my wife's long, flowy hair with my fingers lulling her to sleep

Today I got asked about my music career at work by a good friend of mine. I didn't want to talk about it with him, but I did because I had to face up to how I feel inside about it. The reason why Courageous Rue hasn't done anything in such a long time besides record the occasional song here and there is that I'm holding onto the jaded feelings I have for the music scene ion general. The beautiful thing about the acting side of things is that I am not a producer nor a director, thus, do not have the responsiblity and the additional heartache of dealing with unlike minded people. I am just a supporting piece in the cast of many and am relegated to the whim of someone else's fancy. I get to contribute to it the best I can but I don't own the proverbial baby. Unlike in the music world, I am the cheif songwriter, producer, band leader, coordinator, arranger, promoter, singer, guitarist, etc. I have tried delegating some of these jobs to others but I can never seem to find like-minded individuals. I run into those who could care less about what is we're doing, frustrated with the lack of drawing huge crowds and making cash from the beginning, have drug problems or psychological problems, have unfounded judgements of my singing/songwriting capability (which I'm sensitive about), or are horrible entertainers. So, I end up getting frustrated and overwhelmed a lot by the thought of putting together another full-fledged band. I do want to play the open mics and find people by just playing these songs by myself on an acoustic guitar, but I have yet to commit to the idea. However, I do want to play music and write and record and tour a bit and do everything I've been wanking over this entire time. I keep holding onto the negative parts of being a msuician while not embracing the positive. It's something I've been struggling with on this one.

So, if any of my readers would like to hang out and jam and write some songs for a while, I'd appreciate it!

Currently listening :
Murder 4 Hire
By Body Count
Release date: By 01 August, 2006

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