R.I.P-Hop

Lots of people out there are getting themselves into a dangerous profession lately; more dangerous than being a cop in Inglewood; more dangerous than being the only black guy on the Real World:Little Rock, AK; it's being a famous rap artist.

I keep reading stories about mofos getting shot and killed for stupid stuff. Like Eminem's hypeman Proof. He got shot outside a nightclub in Detroit over a game of pool. He must've sucked so bad at shooting pool to die over it.

"Yo, Proof. You hit the 8-ball in again one more time I swear to Run-DMC I'ma kill you!"

To all the aspiring artists out there, pick a good stage name. Em's hypeman didn't have some street smarts. Most cats out there got hardcore, gangsta names like "N*ggas With Attitiudes"...or "Ice Cube w/Da Lynch Mob"...or...."Ghostface Killa". Don't fawk with anyone sporting a name where you need GhostBusters to dust him off. With a name like that, I gotta cross the streams to smoke his az!

Like, how is a guy with a name like "Proof" supposed to go to the grocery store and rob the place?

*click* "Code Red. Code Red. Aisle 5. Proof is in the pudding...I repeat...the Proof is in the pudding!"

Now I hear about T.I.'s entourage getting shot up on the highway after a show held at Club Ritz in Cincinnati. Now you know problems are bound to pop up if you name a hip-hop club after a corporate brand that can be used as a racial slur.

*On the phone* "Hey, Toof-Pick. Was you at that T.I. show last week? Damn. We was up in that club...crackers everywhere! Yeah...they had saltines..."

Based on the facts presented, I'm going to with Sno-Cone Ice as my stage name. It pays homage to my Latino roots while carving out a niche in the street vendor market. I'ma be peforming at the Rooster's Cock N' Barrel over off of Rappers and Delight, 300 miles west of 8 Mile on the west-side. Bring your fighting farm animals and shotguns. Grita at your boy when you see me (I'm out of grape, so, don't ask).

Currently listening : Urban Legend By T.I. Release date: By 30 November, 2004