I went to a club/bar last night with a couple of my friends. The music was bumpin', the chicks were hot, and the drinks were cheap. Yes, this was in Chicago, believe it or not. You see, I don't ever feel comfortable in these situations because I don't drink, nor smoke, nor have enough friends that like to go out to the club, dress up to attract other people, buy drinks that require a damn manual to come to life (think of the Fuzzy Sex on the Beach With Innie/Outtie Navel drink...what most girls are hitting on the Girls Gone Wild Videos), and then dance to 4-on-the-floor German dance music with guy that overdubs something like "Jesus...wheel barrow ... jack-o-lantern...mahi-mahi" in a monotone voice every once in a while. So, I show up at the club, buy myself a manly beverage - Sprite with "Lime-ez" - and go chill with my friends on the back of the club.
At this point I remind myself of just how socially inept I feel at the club. I like to people watch so, I am making eye contact with just about everyone there. I always wonder if I look like the crazy guy "who lives in a van down by the river"(Farley). I get self-conscious at this point and begin to wiggle and shake my booty to offset this feeling. So, as I am wiggling and shaking, another though enters my head: "Am I really trying to dance or look like a whale in heat that got stuck on the beach trying to get back into the water?" OK, I'm getting self-conscious again. At this time, I decide to go back to the bar and get another Sprite with Lime-ez.
As I wade through the sea of beautiful people, I am being courteous by saying, "Excuse me...pardon me...comin' through!" and gently guiding people out of my path. I notice at this point that guys give me their best Jackie Chan fighting glances and the ladies give me the "Oh, I'm sorry" looks as they step aside. On the side of the spectrum I see that pretty girls don't even have to ask for people to move. Guys trip over each other trying to get out of their way while the other girls moving are giving them the "That b*tch thinks she's better than me" look.
I make it to the bar and pull up along side a girl ordering her drink. I caught her looking at me through the corner of her eye then quickly turning away to pretend she was watch ESPN's coverage of the White Sox game. I smiled and chuckled since I found it funny that I've been pulled into her one-sided game of courtship. The bartender came over, got her order first, then got mine. After receiving our drinks, she turns 360 degrees in the opposite direction to "find her friend" and ends up facing the TV again. Then, she picks up her drink and walks away. I always though guys did stupid stuff like that, but, no, girls do it too. What happened to the good ole days of "Hi, I am __________
So I head back to my friends and dance with one of them. She didn't seem to mind and giggled whenever I did something really wacky in my dances. I ended up freestyling about what was going on in the club and drank my drink with 5 tons of ice that cost me $3 (lime-ezez are expensive at this time of the year, so, I completely understand!). Shortly thereafter, I ended up going home.
So, the point of this story is to say that socializing skills need some work. I met a lot of people there but was to wrapped up in my own drama to get to know them while the whole high school clique thing was in full effect (as it is in most clubs). I wondered, "How old are we? Have we not yet transcended the social taboos of meeting people for the sake of having new interactions with our fellow (wo)man?" Alas, the answer is no for most of us.
Hi, my name is Nelson and I'm a social retard...can you please validate my parking?
 | Currently listening : A Crow Left of the Murder By Incubus Release date: By 03 February, 2004 |
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