Thursday, March 30, 2006

Heh Heh Heh Heh...Alright...

I returned to the great land of Texas this week (Monday - Thursday) and avoided the 200 emails that I would've been held to reading from work as well as the 100 emails from the likes of y'all, impotence enthusiasts, genatalia enlargement gurus, and the occasional bad hair day (read as "bald") curists! I had a great time while I was there. Thanks to my best bud, his cousins, and the multitude of ladies (Heh Heh Heh Heh...Alright...) that helped make the experience possible.

One thing I noticed while I was at a club made me wonder how men run the world. OK. You're at the urinal taking care of your business. You get a hold of all the appropriate parts and finally relieve yourself in a loud moan and grunt with an occasional fart to provide an odoriferous backdrop to the entire experience. Once finished and with a wiggle, a jiggle, and a little dance, you suit up your lower extremities in such a fashion such that you don't get beat down by a bunch of Bush-loving rednecks. A quick trip over to the bathroom attendant for splash of soap precludes you washing your hands feverishly like your mother is ready to hit you with a shoe if you forget. You look into the mirror and what do you see? Some dirty, nasty hillbilly taking a leak , splashing his humanly byproducts everywhere like the floor, the wall, and the guy next to him, talking about how the Cowboys could beat the US World Cup Soccer team in a "real game of football", and bragging about how big his member is. After he finishes up,he proceeds to directly walk out of the bathroom with a beer and a grunt!


No flush? No washing of hands? The spreading of Gawd knows how many venereal diseases, cat licks, and dried-up grease flakes? We invented fire! The pick up truck! Nyquil! The Playstation 2! We can put a man on the moon but yet we can't figure out how to flush and wash ourselves?!!

Dude...the world is in a lot of trouble...

Currently listening :
By Incubus
Release date: By 20 November, 2001

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Improving My Improv

Hey Everyone:

First of all, a big THANK YOU to all of you who came out to see The Fanta Menace (TFM)! It was a wonderful experience and I speak on behalf of the rest of the cast that we were blessed with such a great audience!

I did my audition today for an improv show. I got put in a room with 20 other improvisers. The audition went okay except I went a bit blue (Gone Blue! Holla!) too early, thus, probably made it harder to get out of a hole I dug myself. The two other scenes I was in I was pretty good and I liked what I did. So, it was a learning experience at a minimum to be able to improvise with such great people and know where I cross the line.

So, I did TFM then we did our set of improv afterwards. I really liked all of my scenes and the scenes I wasn't in. It was so gorgeous seeing everyone take care of each other! So, I left that entire experience on a high!

Then at midnight, I went over and did the Improv Jelly at Second City. That was pretty cool except I didn't get as much stage time I wanted to . I may/may not go again next week depending on what other activities are going on.

I am planning on auditioning for the Second City Conservatory program in April, thus, I want to get the rust and grime off my improv capability as much as possible. Salsation is really helping with that, but I want to do it more during the weeks leading to my audition. So, I will start posting up anything that outsiders can attend themselves on the calendar listing.

I go to Texas soon. I might get to do some comedy while I'm there. I've got a bit I am sitting on where I compare women in relationships to childhood toys. Stay Tuned!


Friday, March 24, 2006

What is My Intention?

I did standup at Thyme Cafe last night. Another tough crowd of comics I had to entertain. So, I did a fart joke to start off with then began a little bit of improv by looking for tough guys in the crowd. One comic spoke up so I made a joke about him taking up an Al-Queda warddrobe( which hit). Then I did my whole "war on terrorism" bit which was like talking to a brickwall. Three minutes later, I finished up, and sat down. 2 minutes after that, I left.

With a lot of stuff going on, I am finding standup hard to do again :( My heart just isn't into it. Perhaps it's the weekly Salsation shows and the lack of new material. I still want to do standup and I will find my reason to continue doing it, but, I guess I am a little lost in why I am doing standup. I know I am funny and come up with funny stuff. The only way to get better is to continue doing it. However, it's difficult to gauge what hits and what doesn't when I do it in front of the same 20 comics every damn night.

When I walked out yesterday, I was feeling ok. No "high" from performing but no "low" from the lack of laughs. I was just content and went merrily on my way.

Time to gear up for tonight, which I am totally excited for :)

Currently listening :
Pray For The Soul of Betty
By Pray for the Soul of Betty Featuring Constantine Maroulis
Release date: By 10 May, 2005

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

The Importance of Being Redundant Part II

I got an email back form the DR company regarding my drive. Check this out:

"Through our evaluation of your hard drive, we have determined that a full recovery of your files is probable. Our evaluation revealed that the data on your drive has been lost due to intermittent disk head failure, resulting in moderate platter damage. The cause of the head failure is unknown, but the platter damage was caused by continued oscillation of the heads while directly contacting the platter surface (after the crash). By looking at past cases, which were similar to yours, we estimate that there is an 85% chance of a complete recovery. While we make every effort to save our clients' data in every instance, it is always possible that the data will not be recoverable.

We estimate the cost for completion to be $1250..."

Guess what, Nelson, you aren't getting your data back anytime soon. Any advice out there for what I should do?


Currently listening :
Three Dollar Bill, Y'All
By Limp Bizkit
Release date: By 01 July, 1997

Monday, March 20, 2006

The Importance of Being Redundant

With me being an IT guy, one would think that I would have mastered the art of backing up all my data. But this wouldn't be the great post it is without some sort of calamity occuring, correct?

I was working on some studio tracks when all of a sudden the drive I was working with stopped responding. This had happened before in the past so I thought nothing of it. For some reason, I had thought the computer would stop recognizing it due to the external chassis I had the drive in. However, this time, it was different. I turned the drive off/on multiple times, changed cables, and even changed chassises to no avail :( I took the drive out and give a few taps hoping that the heads were just magnetized, thus, would loosen up long enough for me to pull the data off. No such luck would be granted to me. The drive is gone.

So, all the data from my studio is now on its way to Highland, IL to hopefully be recovered at a very expensive cost (between $300-$1400). The good news is that I get a free external 60 Gb harddrive when they return the data. Whoo hoo. I am thrilled. So, that goes to tell us all that backing up your data and being religious about it is worth the time and hassle (hoff)! Unless of course you like to spend a lot of money trying to get your data back!

Gonna make a movie called Broke Drive in 60 Seconds...

Currently listening :
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
By Various Artists - Soundtrack
Release date: By 05 December, 2000

Note: This was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:

Sunday, March 19, 2006

The Fanta Menace Previews Recap

Hello everyone!

I spent all week getting ready for the show, thus, I haven't really been too active on MySpace (I know you all missed me!). We had our previews this weekend and they went off very, very well! There were times we improvised lines, added little quips and gestures, and even tossed other people around on stage! Everyone in the cast took care of each other in some way, shape, or form, and that was completely awesome! The crowd was fantastic as well since we had packed houses each time! We'll spend a little bit of time tuning up some shizzat for our formal opener this weekend! So, please come out and check it out!

I had a lot of fun tonight partying it up with my castmates, so, time for beddy-bye!


Currently listening :
Sinatra Reprise: The Very Good Years
By Frank Sinatra
Release date: By 26 March, 1991

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Where's the Comedy in Texas?!

I am looking at booking a short trip at the end of the month. I was trying to find open mic opportunities during the week in Austin, San Antonio, and Corpus Christi and only found one listing at CapCity in Austin on a Sunday! Please tell me people in my home state want to laugh at things other than tipping sleeping cows, watch their friend drive their Chevy pickup in the mud and getting stuck, or liberals attempting to keep Austin weird!

Since I am still looking for showcase stature, this is gonna be rough. I might have to relegate doing my comedy act at the local strip club:

"Hey baby, what are you doing here? Strippin'? For money? Better call the po-po cuz this ugly chick done stole all these fools' money..."

Currently listening :
The Dirty Story: The Best of ODB
By Ol' Dirty Bastard
Release date: By 18 September, 2001

Monday, March 13, 2006

SuperHero Alert:Vin Diesel

It's a bird! No, it's a plane! No! It's Vin Diesel! As a mild-mannered, buffed, shaved head actor by day, Vin's alter ego as a world class breakdancer goes undetected. Brilliant! Just by watching his moves it was easy to say he was destined for stardom!

But keep this information on the low for the superhero in the blue tracksuit MUST stay anonymous so that he may break on a piece of cardboard, polished concrete, or linoleum floor near you!

Wonder Twin powers activate - in the form of - Triple X ... in the form of - Body Mover!

Currently watching :
The Chronicles of Riddick (Widescreen Unrated Director's Cut)
Release date: By 16 November, 2004

Note: this was originally posted on MySpace with comments at:

Monday, March 6, 2006

Hey, Did You Hear the One About...

..250 comics standing outside of a comedy club on a Sunday morning attempting to audition for a major TV show and getting jacked out of the chance to do it?! HIL-AIR-REE-US!

I was one of them! Well, at least my material got better hanging out on the street, and I made cool connections with comics. I enjoyed watching an angry mob gathering outside ready to jack up native security guards that can't follow simple instructions. At least we were in a posh neighborhood in case rioting and looting broke out. I needed a plasma TV as it was. I would've rivaled that Iraqi dragging a bathtub home after Baghdad fell. You'd see me on TV with a homeless man's stank-ass jacket covering my face breaking into one of those ubiquitous coffee shops and walking out with a cappuccino maker screaming, "I SAID NO FOAM COFFEE BITCHES!"

With that said, I need to submit a video of my act for consideration in this show, hence, why I am alluding heavily to but not naming locations, names, or activities that transpired. To all of those that got a shot, congratulations! To all my brothers and sisters that didn't, we're all going to die of polio if we don't get it soon!
Currently listening :
By OutKast
Release date: By 31 October, 2000

Saturday, March 4, 2006

Back In the High Life

I got the chance to do standup tonight (finally!) at BW3 a.k.a. B-Dubs a.k.a Bufullo Wild Wings a.k.a. "the Chicken Shack". Tuesday and Wednesdays were wash outs due to either the club not really having open mic or prior commitments begin refreshed into my memory banks, thus, conflicting with my scheduled night of performance (and don't play that you went to see me and missed it people! ).

I did my first set of jokes about current events (War on Terror) and got good responses. I'm going to tighten it up and practice the hell out of it in the next few weeks. So, if you guys decide to come out andcheck it out, you may hear a lot of the same jokes! Good, cuz I heard repeating yourself yourself is is a a good good thing thing!

I'm taking it easy and workin on my act tomorrow (yes, I realize you anal-retentive people that today "technically" is tomorrow right now...I'll see you guys next week at the next Time Tellers That Never Get Laid Convention!). I am working a few things on the side for Salsation for the show and working on my lines as well. Feel free to drop some love when you get a chance.

Also, the cleanse will start in two weeks! Can't wait for my lemonade!

Currently listening :
Back in the High Life
By Steve Winwood
Release date: By 01 October, 1990

Thursday, March 2, 2006

The Fanta Menace Formal Annoucement

THE FANTA MENACE: From the creators of My Big Fat Quinceaiera comes an all-new sketch comedy revue. Chicago's very own Salsation Theatre Company, comedy with a Latin flavor, is proud to present The FANTA Menace! Gentrification, assimilation, and commercialization of the Hispanic identity all come under attack in this new show directed by Patrick Garone. Discount Previews are March 17th and 18th at 8PM. The show runs Fridays and Saturdays at 8PM, March 24th thru April 30th with two Sunday performances at 5:00 pm (April 23rd and April 30th ONLY). Tickets are $12 ($10 for students with valid ID; $8 preview nights).

All performances are at Gallery Meztli, 556 West 18th Street - Chicago. Questions? Send an e-mail to

THE BOX OFFICE IS OPEN: Ticket reservations now available ON-LINE! Just go to to make your reservations for The FANTA Menace. Or call 312.670.TIX6 (8496)

Visit us online at

Currently listening :
20th Century Masters - The Millennium Collection: The Best of Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
By Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Release date: By 27 September, 2005