Monday, January 30, 2006

Got Schooled!

I went to my first writing jam yesterday. I was completely taken to school on the format and writing style the group was looking for. I wrote a rough bit with a game of puns that was longer than a standard blackout but shorter than a regular sketch. I thought it was pretty funny until after the cold read. At that point, it didn't seem at all that funny.

Compared to the other sketches, I now know it was pretty one-dimensional and trivial. So, I've got some reworking to do this week. I took home some examples of good work and will use the ideas and format as a template to improve my bit. I also jotted down 7 ideas I will write throughout the week so I show up with 2 tons of material. Something has got to stick! I also called up my buddy Jeff since he took the Intro to Writing at SC and asked for a few pointers and he laid his knowledge on me. Will let y'all know the outcome next week.

Note: this was original posted on MySpace with comments at:

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Check out this event: Open Mic Standup Comedy Comedy With Nelson V

Hosted By: Nelson Velazquez
When: Wednesday Feb 01, 2006
at 9:00 PM
Where: Hoghead McDunnas
1505 W. Fullerton
Chicago, IL 60601
Nelson Velazquez

Friday, January 27, 2006

Join the Salsation MySpace Group!

Hey Everyone!

Salsation, a Latino-based sketch comedy group that yours truly is participating in, has a mypsace group can be found at

Join up and keep up with the action!


Wednesday, January 25, 2006

A Note To Kevin

Kevin Federline is making his debut this year with the leaked single entitled "Popozao". People are already dissing it saying that it's complete garbage. Actually, it's quite contemporary to the likes of the Ying-Yang Twins ("The Whisper Song"), D4L ("Laffy Taffy"), and Dem Franchise Boys ("White-T"). With that said, GOOD JOB K-FED! You are starting off in safe terrirtoty by making your debut to be just like everyone else right now. You may have skills but it can easily be written off as a joke since it doesn't go in any new directions. Before I make my final judgement on whether or not I root for you, I'll wait for the next two singles. I checked out the interview on mtv Overdrive and one track did catch my ear. Look forward to you surprising me!

Monday, January 23, 2006


Per one of my last postings, I have some big news! I have been asked to join the Salsation! Theatre Company for their first show in 2006 entitled "The Fanta Menace!" We will being doing shows every Friday and Saturday night starting sometime in March till May 6th. This is my very first non-training ensemble I get to perform with! I am very excited and honored to be a part of this ensemble. So, stay tuned here for more information such as dates, times, and location!

Note: This was originally posted on Myspace with comments at:

Friday, January 20, 2006

Bringing IT (no, not "I-T") to Thyme Cafe!

Holy smokes did I have fun at Thyme Cafe! Thank you all the people that came out (especially you Jeff!) to see me perform my 3 minutes of glory (longer than most of my performances...*giggity!*) in front of a packed house of yuppy Bucktowners!

I got compliments from another comic named Eric who has been doing this for a couple of years. He really enjoyed my audience participation bit which worked beautifully since the house had a lot of half-drunk girls looking to "partay!" So, that was cool that he recognized the skillz that don't pay the billz but some day may pay dem!

Stay tuned for some big news to be announced around Sunday/Monday timeframe! Yes, it's worth it!

Note:this was original posted on MySpace with comments at:

Thursday, January 19, 2006

So THAT'S What Success Feels Like!

I just went to an audition that went really well! I really hope they decide to pick me up to join their ensemble. After doing the audition, I felt so bloody powerful cuz I walked in and out of there with a level of centeredness I had lacked in many performances before.

Regardless of the outcome, I am celebrating! I'm gonna do what any self-respecting partyboy like me would do... I 'm going on a junk food bender! Gonna get a bunch of Oreos, milk, ice cream, and Rice Krispie Squares and downing it all with gulps of C2! PUT IT ON MY GUMS! ARGH!

More good news to come!

Monday, January 16, 2006

I've Been Released

I recieved my first audition rejection email today. It read:

" If you have not been asked to be on an ensemble yet, you should consider yourself released."

Goddang that's the nicest let down I've ever been served! It was so nice and soft like a roll of Charmin! I have to use that to resolve other problems in my life. Like if I am breaking up with a girl:

"Hey baby, if you haven't received any lovin' for the last 30 days, you should consider yourself released."

Or maybe when I am talking to a bill collector:

"If you haven't received any payment in 6 months, you should consider yourself't've been released!"

Thank you improv gods for giving me this catchphrase to enlighten my life and the lives of others!

Note:This was originally posted on MySpace with comments:

Sunday, January 15, 2006

I Fought The Ice and uhh...I lost...

To misquote the great Courageous Rue song "F.D.P."

I was walking not a trotting and a what did I see?
A patch of slippery ice sitting righting in front of me
But that was alright, uh hmmmm that was ok
As I fell on my ass like I was smokin' all day...

I went out with a friend of mine to a restaurant downtown and we were walking back to my car. There has been a recent snowfall that had thawed and refrozen a few times and of course, not enough salt was on the sidewalks. So, being my jovial self, I was talking a lot of shit about how "white people need salt the sidewalks" and making dumb jokes about every other races using that to their advantage. Right as I mentioned, "If I slip and fall, I'ma sue the city", I slip and fall on my ass. As Alanis says, "Isn't it ironic...don't ya think?!" I did the most chivalrous thing I could by trying to take my friend down with me but she pulled away in time. Damn her! LOL

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Check out this event: Stand Up Comedy With Nelson V

Hosted By: Nelson Velazquez
When: Sunday Jan 15, 2006
at 10:00 PM
Where: Thyme Cafe
1540 N. Milwaukee
Chicago, IL 60601
Nelson Velazquez

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Check out this event: Stand-up Comedy with Nelson V.

Hosted By: Nelson Velazquez
When: Friday Jan 13, 2006
at 8:30 PM
Where: Buffulo Wild Wings
2464 N. Lincoln
Chicago, IL 60601
Nelson Velazquez

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Shopping Cart Massacre

A sign of a person getting old is when they go to the grocery store, and they get a chance to push a cart back to their car, if the urge to start pushing the cart faster and faster then jumping on and ridin htat baby down the parking lot isn't there anymore, THEY ARE OLD!

I decided to stay young one night at Jewel. I had just finished putting my groceries in my car and started pushing the cart back. The ride on the cart to the car was uneventful, but freeing and a lot of fun. With an empty cart, I set up the merchanics, tested the air quality, and set my eye on the cart receptacles so I could glide my way to a perfect delivery. After pushing off, I jumped on the back of my wired stallion...which then decided to buck me off! The cart's back end sunk into the ground while the front lifted and flipped over. As time slowed down, I got that smell of bleach that entered my nostrils and perculated in there telling me that I was going to fall. As my face met the road, I landed on my right wristed and the cart fell on my head.

Embarrasingly, I started thinking, "God! Did anybody see that?! Please tell me you blinded everyone for the last 10 seconds!" I rolled over on my back in severe pain and started laughing because I pictured what it probably looked like. Luckily for me, the image was more powerful than the pain. I slowly got up, pretended nothing happened, and finished my crippled ride back to the receptacle.

Hell yeah! I ain't old!

Note:Originally posted to MySpace on January 11th, 2006:

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Funny...I thought this was useful!

Hello all:

I plan to use this site as a place to promote my music, comedy, and acting careers! Which ever one makes me my first million I will concentrate on! Anyway, more to come.

Note:Originally posted January 10th, 2006 on MySpace: